h an apathy
peculiar to Almack's--"you know, if a man has no privilege, what's the
use of being a captain?"

"Very true, my lord," said the toad-eater, with a low bow.

I will now give a short description of his lordship. He was a smart,
dapper, well made man, with a handsome, but not an intellectual
countenance; cleanly and particular in his person; and, assisted by the
puffs of toady, had a very good opinion of himself; proud of his
aristocratic birth, and still more vain of his personal appearance. His
knowledge on most points was superficial--high life, and anecdotes
connected with it, were the usual topics of his discourse; at his own
table he generally engrossed all the conversation; and while his guests
drank his wine, "they laughed with counterfeited glee," etcetera. His
reading was comprised in two volumes octavo, being the Memoirs of the
Count de Grammont, which amusing and aristocratical work was never out
of his hand. He had been many years at sea, but, strange to say, knew
nothing, literally nothing, of his profession. Seamanship, navigation,
and everything connected with the service, he was perfectly ignorant of.
I had heard him spoken of as a good officer before he joined us; and I
must in justice to him say that he was naturally good-tempered, and I
believe as brave a man as ever drew a sword.

He seldom made any professional remark being aware of his deficiency,
and never ventured beyond his depth intentionally. When he came on the
quarter-deck, he usually looked to the weather main-brace, and if it was
not as taut as a hat would order it to be made so. Here he could not
easily commit himself; but it became a by-word with us when we laughed
at him below. He had a curious way of forgetting, or pretending to
forget, the names of men and things--I presume because they were so much
beneath him; and in their stead substituted the elegant phrases of
"what's-his-name," and "what-do-ye-call-'em," and "thingumbob."

One day he went on deck, and actually gave me the following very
intelligible order: "Mr What's-his-name, have the goodness to--
what-do-ye-call-'em--the--the thingumbob."

"Ay, ay, my lord!" said I. "Afterguard, haul taut the weather
main-brace!" This was exactly what he meant.

He was very particular and captious when not properly addressed. When
an order is given by a commanding officer, it is not unusual to say,
"Very good, sir;" implying that you perfectly understand, and are go