ep mine on," said the stranger. "And why could not I
have had a pair of clean ropes?"

"Because," said I, "my orders are only to give them when the side is
piped."

"And why was not the side piped for me, sir?"

"Because, sir, we never pipe the side until we know who it is for."

"As sure as I shall sit in the House of Peers, I will report you to your
captain for this," said he.

"We only pipe the side for officers in uniform," said I; "and I am yet
to learn by what right you demand that honour."

"I am, sir," said he, (showing his card), "---, etcetera. Do you know
me now?"

"Yes, sir," said I, "as a gentleman; but until I see you in a captain's
uniform I cannot give you the honours you demand." As I said this, I
touched my hat respectfully.

"Then, sir," said he, "as sure as I shall sit in the House of Peers, I
shall let you know more of this;" and having asked whether the captain
was on board, and received an answer in the negative, he turned round,
and went down the side into his boat, without giving me an opportunity
of supplying him with a pair of clean ropes. He pulled away for the
shore, and I never heard anything more of the dirty ropes and soiled
gloves.

This officer, I afterwards learned, was in the habit of interlarding his
discourse with this darling object of his ambition; but as he is now a
member of the Upper House, it is to be supposed he has exchanged the
affidavit for some other. While he commanded a ship he used to say, "As
sure as I shall sit in the House of Peers, I will flog you, my man;" and
when this denunciation had passed his lips the punishment was never
remitted. With us, the reverse of this became our by-word; lieutenants,
midshipmen, sailors, and marines asserted their claim to veracity by
saying, "As sure as I shall _not_ sit in the House of Peers."

This was the noble lord who, when in command of one of His Majesty's
ships in China, employed a native of that country to take his portrait.
The resemblance not having been flattering, the artist was sharply
rebuked by his patron. The poor man replied, "Oh no, master, how can
handsome face make if handsome face no have got?" This story has, like
many other good stories, been pirated, and applied to other cases; but I
claim it as the legitimate property of the navy, and can vouch for its
origin as I have related.

My mess-mates dropped in one after another until our number was
completed; and at length a note, in an envel