f amendment
with which I had bound myself, and had yielded to the first temptation
which came in my way.

In vain did I call up every black and threatening cloud of domestic
sorrow which was to meet me on my return home--the dreadful vacuum
occasioned by my mother's death--the grief of my father--my brother and
my sisters in deep mourning, and the couch on which I had left the best
of parents when I turned away my thoughtless head from her in the
anguish of her grief. I renewed my promise of amendment, and felt some
secret consolation in doing so.

When I arrived at my father's door, the servant who let me in greeted me
with a loud and hearty welcome. I ran into the drawing-room, where I
found that my brother and sisters had a party of children to spend the
evening with them. They were dancing to the music of a piano, played on
by my aunt, while my father sat in his arm-chair, in high good humour.

This was a very different scene from what I had expected. I was
prepared for a sentimental and affecting meeting; and my feelings were
all worked up to their full bearing for the occasion. Judge then of the
sudden revulsion in my mind, when I found mirth and good humour where I
expected tears and lamentations. It had escaped my recollection, that
although the death of my mother was an event new to me, it had happened
six months before I had heard of it; and, consequently, with them grief
had given way to time. I was astonished at their apparent want of
feeling; while they gazed with surprise at the sight of me, and the
symbols of woe displayed in my equipment.

My father welcomed me with surprise; asked where my ship was, and what
had brought her home. The fact was, that in my sudden determination to
return to England, I had spared myself the trouble of writing to make
known my intentions; and, indeed, if I had written, I should have
arrived as soon as my letter, unless (which I ought to have done) I had
written on my arrival at Portsmouth, instead of throwing away my time in
the very worst species of dissipation. Unable, therefore, in the
presence of many witnesses, to give my father that explanation which he
had a right to expect, I suffered greatly for a time in his opinion. He
very naturally supposed that some disgraceful conduct on my part was the
cause of my sudden return. His brow became clouded and his mind seemed
occupied with deep reflection.

This behaviour of my father, together with the continued