as not displeased; and I left her with joyful anticipations.

But what did I anticipate, as I rolled heedlessly along in the chaise to
--- Hall? Sensual gratification at the expense of a poor defenceless
orphan, whose future life would be clouded with misery. I could see my
wickedness, and moralise upon it; but the devil was triumphant within
me, and I consoled myself with the vulgar adage, "Needs must when the
devil drives." Then I dismissed the subject to think of Emily, whose
residence was now in sight.

I arrived at --- Hall, was kindly received and welcomed by both father
and mother: but on this visit I must not dwell. When I reflect on it, I
hate myself and human nature! Could I be trusted? yet I inspired
unbounded confidence. Was I not as vicious as one of my age could, be?
Yet I made them believe I was almost perfection. Did I deserve to be
happy? Yet I was so, and more so than I had ever been before, or have
been since. I was like the serpent in Eden, though without his vile
intentions. Beauty and virtue united to keep my passions in subjection.
When they had nothing to feed on, they concealed themselves in the
inmost recesses of my bosom.

Had I remained always with Emily, I should have been reclaimed; but when
I quitted her I lost all my good feelings and good resolutions; not,
however, before the bright image of virtue had lighted up in my bosom a
holy flame, which has never been entirely extinguished. Occasionally
dimmed, it has afterwards burnt up with renewed brightness; and, as a
beacon-light, has often guided me through perils, that might have
overwhelmed me.

Compelled at last to quit this earthly paradise, I told her, at parting,
that I loved her, adored her; and to prove that I was in earnest, and
that she believed me, I obtained a lock of her hair. When I left
--- Hall, it was my intention to have joined my ship, as I had agreed
with my father; but the temptation to follow up my success with the fair
and unfortunate Eugenia, was too strong to be resisted; at least I
thought so, and therefore hardly made an effort to conquer it. True I
did, pro forma, make appearance on board the guard-ship, had my name
entered on the books, that I might not lose my time of servitude, and
that I might also deceive my father. All this being duly accomplished,
I obtained leave of absence from my first lieutenant, an old
acquaintance, who, in a ship crowded with supernumerary midshipmen, was
but too ha