voured with the peat of
the valleys is highly prized by the natives, not only of Scotland but of
all the English speaking countries of this Giddy Globe.

The inhabitants are a tall, barb-wiry, music-loving, pious and
joke-fearing race, fond of loud plaids and still Lauder songs.

Their tall spare frames have given rise to the term Bony (or Bonny)
Scotland, supposed by some to be derived from "Bonnet," the national
headgear.

The principal products of Scotland are Porridge, Parsons and Pilbrochs.

* * *

The inhabitants of Scotland are the most Moral and Patriotic people in
the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World
War.

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XXV

IRELAND

[Illustration: "The apparel oft proclaims the man."--HAMLET.]

[Illustration]

Ireland is the land of the Irish Bull, a paradoxical Bovine whose
cross-eyed horns can toss a British commonplace in two directions at
once.

The population of Ireland consists chiefly of Absentee landlords and
Emigrants to the United States.

They are ruled by two Absentee governments, a Parliament at Westminster
and an Itinerant President.

[Illustration: SCENE IN IRISH HOUSE OF PARLIAMENT]

The country is infested with Absentee Snakes. It is believed that the
Serpent who tempted Eve (from the "way he had with the women") was one
of these Absentee snakes.

Strabo, the Greek Geographer who visited Ireland long before St.
Patrick, describes the inhabitants as, "_more savage than the Britons,
feeding on human flesh and enormous eaters, deeming it commendable to
devour their deceased fathers_."

Strabo evidently attended a wake and miscalculated the strength of the
national beverage.

The principal products of Ireland are Potatoes, Pugilists, Patriots,[A]
Poteen and Bernard Shaw.

[A] The term _Patriot_ is derived from two Greek words, Pat, a
patronymic, and Riot, a national pastime.

* * *

The inhabitants of Ireland are the most Moral and Patriotic people in
the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World
War.

[Illustration: THE GIDDY GLOBE CONSOLING IRELAND]

CHAPTER XXVI

WALES

[Illustration]

_See the Welsh Rabbit--he is bred on cheese;_
_(Or cheese on bread, whichever way you please)._
_Although he's tough, he looks so mild, who'd think_
_That a strong man from this small beast would shrink?_