" shouted they in a most excited manner,
when I expressed a wish to inspect the palatial quarters which they had
been good enough to reserve for me.

"Wait a moment!" shouted the landlord, a slumbering, disjointed,
murderous-looking creature, whose violent gestures and waving of hands in
front of my face were somewhat irritating. He dashed into a room on the
ground floor--and we outside could hear an altercation between the
loud-voiced proprietor and the plaintive moans of a half-dying man.

A moment later the half-dying man, skeleton-like, with livid eyes, a
complexion the colour of a lemon gone bad, and quivering bare legs, was
literally dragged out of the bed and roughly thrown out of the door.

"Here is your room!" cried the landlord triumphantly to me, as he flung
out of that apartment some cheap canvas bags, clothes--which from birth
had been innocent of washing and pressing--and the socks, shoes, and day
shirt of the guest who had been ejected.

The odour alone, as I peeped into the room, was enough to stifle any one
with the sense of scent even less delicate than my own. As for the vacant
bed--any pariah dog of any other country would have been offended to be
offered such filthy accommodation.

In Brazil--as elsewhere--it does not do to lose one's calm. I also wished
to avoid an unpleasant quarrel, as I have a belief that quarrels are bad
for one's health. I spoke gently and kindly to the hotel-keeper, and said
that, although I had ordered nothing, still, as he had kindly reserved
that charming apartment for me, I should be very pleased to pay for it,
which I would do at once. If he would excuse me, I preferred to go back
to sleep in my private car. Upon hearing these words a nasty tragi-comic
scene occurred, which, had I not remained cool and collected, might have
ended badly.

"Do you know, sir," shouted the landlord, with livid features and eyes
shooting out of their orbits, so enraged was he--"do you know that I am
the Chief of Police here, and that everybody is afraid of me? I have only
to give orders and every one will kill any one I like." Here he
discontinued shaking his somewhat grimy hands under my nose and, drawing
himself up, stood upon the doorstep of the hotel in order to harangue the
great crowd which had collected.

"We are all millionaires in Brazil," shouted the landlord, with an effort
which seriously impaired the safety of his fully-congested jugular vein.
"We are all atheists and anar