nited States army
itself don't know whether it is for the Bolshevists or against them,
Abe, how could you expect this here Robins to know, either, let alone
the Bolshevists?"

"But I thought this country was against Bolshevism," Abe said.

"As far as I can gather, Abe, the United States is against Bolshevism
officially on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and on Saturday from nine
to twelve, and it is for Admiral Kolchak on Tuesday and Thursday,"
Morris said. "At any rate, that's what one would think from reading the
newspapers. Fiume is the same way, Abe. The United States is in favor of
ceding Fiume to the Italians during three days in the week of eight
working-hours each, except in the sporting five-star edition, when Fiume
is going to be internationalized. However, Abe, the United States wants
to be quite fair about preserving the rights of small nationalities, so
we concede Fiume to the Jugo-Slobs in at least two editions of the pink
evening papers and in the special magazine section of the Sunday
papers."

"Well, the way I feel about Bolshevism, I am against it every day in the
week, including Sundays, Mawruss," Abe said, "and if I would be running
a newspaper, I would show them up in every edition from the night
edition that comes out at half past eight in the morning, down to the
special ten-o'clock-p.m. extra, which sometimes is delayed till as late
as five forty-five. Furthermore, while variety makes a spicy life,
Mawruss, newspapers are supposed to tell you the news, and while it may
be agreeably exciting to some people when they read on Monday,
Wednesday, and Friday that the Germans would positively sign the amended
Treaty of Peace, and on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday that they
positively wouldn't do nothing of the kind, y'understand, I am getting
so used to it that it don't even make me mad no longer."

"The newspapers has got to suit all tastes, Abe," Morris observed.

"But the taste for Bolshevism ain't a taste, Mawruss, it's a smell," Abe
concluded, "and whoever has got it shouldn't ought to be encouraged. He
should ought to be disinfected, and that's all there is to it."

XXI

WHAT THE PUBLIC WANTS, ECONOMICALLY AND THEATRICALLY

"I see where a minister said the other day he couldn't understand why it
was that fellers in the theayter business goes to work and puts on the
kind of shows which they do put on, Mawruss," Abe Potash said, a few
days after the ministerial controversy over a ce