e of these here
harrowing William S. Hart and Mary Pickford incidents in real life,
Mawruss, when it reached the point where the moving-picture fan's heart
is going to break unless there would be a quick happy ending,
y'understand, not only would there _not_ be a happy ending, but also,
Mawruss, instead of the next incident being a Mack Sennett comedy in
real life, Mawruss, it might be something so sad, y'understand, that if
a moving-picture corporation would try to reproduce it on the screen, it
would cost them a fortune for glycerin alone."

"A moving-picture fan's heart don't break so easy as all that, Abe,"
Morris said. "Moving-picture fans is like doctors and undertakers, Abe.
They've got so used to other people's misfortunes that it practically
don't affect them at all. Moving-picture fans can see William S. Hart
come out of jail to find his wife married to the detective who not only
arrested him in the first reel, but is also giving terrible _makkas_ to
Mr. Hart's youngest child in the second reel, y'understand, and wrings
that moving-picture fan's heart to the same extent like it would be
something in a tropical review entitled: 'Eighth Annual Convention of
the United Ice-men of America, Akron, Ohio. Arrival of the Delegates at
the Akron, Union, Depot,' y'understand. Yes, Abe, the effect of
five-reel films on a moving-picture fan's heart is like the effect of
five-star Scotch whisky on a typical club-man's life. It hardens it to
such an extent that it practically ceases to do the work for which it
was originally put into a human body, Abe."

"To tell you the truth, Mawruss, I 'ain't got no use for any kind of a
fan, and that goes for moving-picture fans, fight fans, baseball fans,
and pinochle fans, not to mention grand-opera fans, first-night theayter
fans, and every other fan from golluf downwards. Take these here fight
fans which chartered special trains for Toledo, Ohio, and paid a hundred
dollars for a ringside seat, Mawruss, and to my mind it would take one
of these here insanity experts to figure out just what made them do it
at a time when on account of the raise in rent and living expenses, so
many heads of families is staying home with their families these hot
Sundays and reading the papers about the fight fans chartering special
trains and paying a hundred dollars for ringside seats, and not feeling
the heat any the less because of reading such things. Also, Mawruss, as
one business man to another wh