stuff.

* * *

"What does milk usually contain?" asks a weekly paper. We can only say
it wouldn't be fair for us to reply, as we know the answer.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Small Boy at Tailor's (to father, who seems to be
impressed with "Jazz" tweed_). "I SAY, DAD, GO SLOW. REMEMBER WHO'S
GOT TO WEAR IT AFTER YOU'VE FINISHED WITH IT."]

* * * * *

=An Indomitable Spirit.=

"Mr. ----'s tank held only ---- Spirit during the whole climb and
not satisfied with climbing _up_ Snowdon Mr. ---- then drove down
again." _Motoring Paper_.

* * * * *

"WHY I DIDN'T GO TO THE BAR. By Horatio Bottomley." "_John Bull_"
_Poster_.

Perhaps it was after hours.

* * * * *

"This upset Mr. Chesterton, a patriotic, beer-eating
Englishman."--_Sunday Paper_.

We deplore the modern tendency to pry into the details of an author's
dietary.

* * * * *

"What the word 'Democracy' was intended to mean was that every
man should have to betrTcOshrdluesthafaodfabadofgarfaf." _Local
Paper_.

We have long suspected this.

* * * * *

"MILWAUKEE.--Fourteen cases of whiskey, a large quantity of
brandies, gin and wines were found stored in a bathhouse. It will
be presented to the federal grand jury for action." _Canadian
Paper_.

Not the obvious form of "direct action," we trust.

* * * * *

=HOW TO VITALISE THE DRAMA.=

_A hint of what might be done by following the example of the Press_.

["More than one actor-manager during the past few months has been
searching round frantically in his efforts to find a new play."
_The Times_.]

Oh, have you marked upon the breeze
The wail of hunger which occurs
When starved theatrical lessees
Commune with hollow managers?
"Where is Dramatic Art?" they say;
"Can no one, _no one_, write a play?"

I cannot think why this should be,
This bitter plaint of sudden dearth;
To write a play would seem to me
Almost the easiest thing on earth.
Sometimes I feel that even I
Could do it if I chose to try.

What! can this Art be in its grave
Whose form was lately so rotund,
Whose strength was as a bull's and gave
No sign of being moribund?
I'm sure my facts are right,