When I had said this, Lamprias, sitting (as he always doth) upon a low
bed, cried out: Sirs, will you give me leave to correct this sottish
judge? And the company bidding him speak freely and tell me roundly of
my faults, and not spare, he said: And who can forbear that philosopher
who disposes of places at a feast according to the birth, wealth, or
offices of the guests, as if they were in a theatre or the Council
House, so that pride and arrogance must be admitted even into our mirth
and entertainments? In seating our guests we should not have any
respect to honor, but mirth and conversation; not look after every man's
quality, but their agreement and harmony with one another, as those do
that join several different things in one composure. Thus a mason doth
not set an Athenian or a Spartan stone, because formed in a more noble
country, before an Asian or a Spanish; nor a painter give the most
costly color the chiefest place; nor a shipwright the Corinthian fir or
Cretan cypress; but so distribute them as they will best serve to the
common end, and make the whole composure strong, beautiful, and fit for
use. Nay, you see even the deity himself (by our Pindar named the most
skilful artificer) doth not everywhere place the fire above and the
earth below; but, as Empedocles hath it,

The Oysters Coverings do directly prove,
That heavy Earth is sometimes rais'd above;

not having that place that Nature appoints, but that which is necessary
to compound bodies and serviceable to the common end, the preservation
of the whole. Disorder is in everything an evil; but then its badness
is principally discovered, when it is amongst men whilst they are
making merry; for then it breeds contentions and a thousand unspeakable
mischiefs, which to foresee and hinder shows a man well skilled in good
order and disposing right.

We all agreed that he had said well, but asked him why he would not
instruct us how to order things aright, and communicate his skill. I am
content, says he, to instruct you, if you will permit me to change the
present order of the feast, and will yield as ready obedience to me as
the Thebans to Epaminondas when he altered the order of their battle. We
gave him full power; and he, having turned all the servants out, looked
round upon every one, and said: Hear (for I will tell you first) how
I design to order you together. In my mind, the Theban Pammenes justly
taxeth Homer as unskilful in love matters,