As the railway porter!

_My voice is of good compass and volume, but it is lacking in the "rich
fruity tone" which, according to popular novelists, is indispensable to
the exertion of a magnetic influence on the hearer. Is it possible by
diet to remedy this deficiency?_--CONTRALTO.

ANSWER.--The use of an emollient diet is recommended by some authorities
with a view to improving and enriching vocal tone. You might try a
course of Carlsbad plums, Devonshire cream, and peach-fed Colorado ham.
But it is easy to overdo the plummy tone, which is apt to become
cloying.

_Kindly explain the following terms taken from an article on SCRIABINE
which recently appeared in a leading daily paper: Psychical
conjunctivitis; Katzenjammer; Cephaloedematous; Hokusai; Asininity. What
is the difference between the portamento and "scooping"? Why do opera
singers show such a marked tendency to embonpoint? Am I wrong in
preferring the cornet to any other wind instrument?_--ANXIOUS ASPIRANT.

ANSWER.--This is not a general information bureau, but we will do our
best. (1) Conjunctivitis is properly a disease of the eyes; "psychical
conjunctivitis" would be a sort of mental squint. "Katzenjammer" is the
German for "hot coppers." "Cephaloedematous" is not in the New Oxford
Dictionary, but apparently applies to a sufferer from swelled head.
HOKUSAI was a Japanese artist, and "asininity" is the special quality of
the writer of the article from which you have taken these words. (2)
"Scooping" is the vulgarisation of the portamento, (3) Operatic singers
grow stout because they drink stout; also because much singing
tends to expand the larynx, pharynx and thorax, as well as the
basilico-thaumaturgic cavities of the medulla oblongata. (4) There is
nothing criminal in preferring the cornet to any other wind instrument.
Many pious people prefer MARIE CORELLI to MILTON.

* * * * *

THE DOUBLE LIFE.

When Araminta said that I must speak to the man next door about his
black cat, I was greatly perturbed. It appeared that the animal had
acquired the habit of spending the night in our house, and that Harriet
didn't like it. I said that black cats brought good luck, and, anyhow,
by night all cats were grey. Araminta replied that this one was as black
as a bilberry and took fish. Walking out into the garden I began to
meditate deeply.

Perhaps you do not immediately grasp what a terrible and dangerous thing
it was that Ar