* * *

SPIT FOR SPAT.

Orator, in Hyde Park:--

"An' when the German Ambassador left St. Petersburg 'e spat in the
Russian Ambassador's face. An' the Russian Ambassador in Berlin 'e
spat in the German Ambassador's face."

* * * * *

IN ORDER OF MERIT?

"Full reports of the Petersfield Gymkhana, Eastmeon Show, and
Liphook Horticultural Exhibition and Sports, will be published in
to-morrow's issue of the 'Hampshire Telegraph and Post,' which will
contain also a complete record of news of the Great European
War."--_Portsmouth Evening News._

* * * * *

The following letter was addressed to a Hong Kong chaplain by his
orderly:--

"Pleas sur excuse me this morning for I ham sitting for my examining
asion at the peak schools for my certificate sur and I will be down
as soon as possible sur to deliver the letters sur And if I ant
there before you go away sur put the keys under the steeps sur."

We feel confident he passed all right.

* * * * *

ON ACTIVE SERVICE.

Every August Bank Holiday we have a short Mixed Open Tournament at our
lawn-tennis club. It's quite a small, homely affair, but as our
President, Sir Benjamin Boogles, always offers two valuable prizes
(hall-marked), every member who can possibly enter does so. Each year
hitherto the Tournament has been finished in the one day; but this year
it is not finished yet--in fact, in one instance the first game of the
first set is still undecided, and the winners in the other sets are
anxiously awaiting the result in order that the second round may proceed
before the end of the season. As I am one of the actors--I might almost
say the protagonist--in this protracted drama, I will explain the
position.

Wilbrooke, our crack player, who can easily give most of us forty and a
bonus of five games in the set, and still beat us, recently became
engaged to Pattie Blobson, who is a hopeless rabbit at the game, this
being her first season. Not unnaturally she insisted on his entering the
Tournament with her. I always enter with Joan, and though we are neither
of us exactly rabbits it would be rather hard to find a zoological term
that would fittingly describe our standard of play. Of course there is
no handicapping in "Opens," and Joan and I usually reckon to be knocked
out in the second round at latest, tho