must rest on his senary tripod. {241}

JAMES SMITH ONCE MORE.

Mr. James Smith's procedures are not caricature of reasoning; they are
caricature of blundering. The old way of proving that 2 = 1 is solemn
earnest compared with his demonstrations. As follows:[388]

Let x = 1
Then x^2 = x
And x^2 - 1 = x - 1
Divide both sides by x - 1; then x + 1 = 1; but x = 1, whence 2 = 1.

When a man is regularly snubbed, bullied, blown up, walked into, and put
down, there is usually some reaction in his favor, a kind of deostracism,
which cannot bear to hear him always called the blunderer. I hope it will
be so in this case. There is nothing I more desire than to see _sects_ of
paradoxers. There are fully five thousand adults in England who ought to be
the followers of some one false quadrature. And I have most hope of 3-1/8,
because I think Mr. James Smith better fitted to be the leader of an
organized infatuation than any one I know of. He wants no pity, and will
get none. He has energy, means, good humor, strong conviction, character,
and popularity in his own circle. And, most indispensable point of all, he
sticks at nothing;

"In coelum jusseris, ibit."[389]

When my instructor found I did not print an acceptance of what I have
quoted, he addressed me as follows (_Corr._, Sept 23):--

"In this life, however, we must do our duty, and, when {242} necessary, use
the rod, not in a spirit of revenge, but for the benefit of the culprit and
the good of society. Now, Sir, the opportunity has been thrown in your way
of slipping out of the pillory without risk of serious injury; but, like an
obstinate urchin, you have chosen to quarrel with your opportunity and
remain there, and thus you compel me to deal with you as schoolmasters used
to do with stupid boys in bygone days--that is to say, you force me to the
use of the critic's rod, compel me to put you where little Jack Horner sat,
and, as a warning to other naughty boys, to ornament you with a dunce's
cap. The task I set you was a very simple one, as I shall make manifest at
the proper time."

In one or more places, as well as this, Mr. Smith shows that he does not
know the legend of little Jack Horner, whom he imagines to be put in the
corner as a bad boy. This is curious; for there had been many allusions to
the story in the journal he was writing in, and the Christmas pie had
become altered into the Seaforth [pi].

Mr. Smith is satisfied at last that--what be