y I mention such a matter; except that I
tell you everything without a notion of after-consequence; and because
your dearest, dearest presence seems under any circumstances as if
created just to help me _there_; if my spirits rise they fly to you;
if they fall, they hold by you and cease falling--as now. Bless you,
Ba--my own best blessing that you are! But a few hours and I am with
you, beloved!

Your own

_E.B.B. to R.B._

Saturday Evening.
[Post-mark, February 16, 1846.]

Ever dearest, though you wanted to make me say one thing displeasing
to you to-day, I had not courage to say two instead ... which I might
have done indeed and indeed! For I am capable of thinking both
thoughts of 'next year,' as you suggested them:--because while you are
with me I see only _you_, and you being you, I cannot doubt a power of
yours nor measure the deep loving nature which I feel to be so
deep--so that there may be ever so many 'mores,' and no 'more' wonder
of mine!--but afterwards, when the door is shut and there is no 'more'
light nor speaking until Thursday, why _then_, that I do not see _you_
but _me_,--_then_ comes the reaction,--the natural lengthening of the
shadows at sunset,--and _then_, the 'less, less, less' grows to seem
as natural to my fate, as the 'more' seemed to your nature--I being I!

_Sunday._--Well!--you are to try to forgive it all! And the truth,
over and under all, is, that I scarcely ever do think of the future,
scarcely ever further than to your next visit, and almost never
beyond, except for your sake and in reference to that view of the
question which I have vexed you with so often, in fearing for your
happiness. Once it was a habit of mind with me to live altogether in
what I called the future--but the tops of the trees that looked
towards Troy were broken off in the great winds, and falling down into
the river beneath, where now after all this time they grow green
again, I let them float along the current gently and pleasantly. Can
it be better I wonder! And if it becomes worse, can I help it? Also
the future never seemed to belong to me so little--never! It might
appear wonderful to most persons, it is startling even to myself
sometimes, to observe how free from anxiety I am--from the sort of
anxiety which might be well connected with my own position _here_, and
which is personal to mys