weetest, in spite of our agreement, here is the note that sought
not to go, but must--because, if there is no speaking of Mrs. Jamesons
and such like without bringing in your dear name (not _dearest_ name,
my Ba!) what is the good of not writing it down, now, when I, though
possessed with the love of it no more than usual, yet _may_ speak, and
to a hearer? And I have to thank you with all my heart for the good
news of the increasing strength and less need for the opium--how I do
thank you, my dearest--and desire to thank God through whose goodness
it all is! This I could not but say now, to-morrow I will write at
length, having been working a little this morning, with whatever
effect. So now I will go out and see your elm-trees and gate, and
think the thoughts over again, and coming home I shall perhaps find a
letter.

Dearest, dearest--my perfect blessing you are!

May God continue his care for us. R.

_R.B. to E.B.B._

Wednesday Morning.
[Post-mark, February 25, 1846.]

Once you were pleased to say, my own Ba, that 'I made you do as I
would.' I am quite sure, you make me _speak_ as you would, and not at
all as I mean--and for one instance, I never surely spoke anything
half so untrue as that 'I came with the intention of loving whomever I
should find'--No! wreathed shells and hollows in ruins, and roofs of
caves may transform a voice wonderfully, make more of it or less, or
so change it as to almost alter, but turn a 'no' into a 'yes' can no
echo (except the Irish one), and I said 'no' to such a charge, and
still say 'no.' I _did_ have a presentiment--and though it is hardly
possible for me to look back on it now without lending it the true
colours given to it by the event, yet I _can_ put them aside, if I
please, and remember that I not merely hoped it would not be so (_not_
that the effect I expected to be produced would be _less_ than in
anticipation, certainly I did not hope _that_, but that it would range
itself with the old feelings of simple reverence and sympathy and
friendship, that I should love you as much as I supposed I _could_
love, and no more) but in the confidence that nothing could occur to
divert me from my intended way of life, I made--went on making
arrangements to return to Italy. You know--did I not tell you--I
wished to see you before I returned? And I had heard of you just so
much as seemed to