elf. _That_ is all thrown behind--into the
bushes--long ago it was, and I think I told you of it before.
Agitation comes from indecision--and _I_ was decided from the first
hour when I admitted the possibility of your loving me really.
Now,--as the Euphuists used to say,--I am 'more thine than my own' ...
it is a literal truth--and my future belongs to you; if it was mine,
it was mine to give, and if it was mine to give, it was given, and if
it was given ... beloved....

So you see!

Then I will confess to you that all my life long I have had a rather
strange sympathy and dyspathy--the sympathy having concerned the genus
_jilt_ (as vulgarly called) male and female--and the dyspathy--the
whole class of heroically virtuous persons who make sacrifices of what
they call 'love' to what they call 'duty.' There are exceptional cases
of course, but, for the most part, I listen incredulously or else with
a little contempt to those latter proofs of strength--or weakness, as
it may be:--people are not usually praised for giving up their
religion, for unsaying their oaths, for desecrating their 'holy
things'--while believing them still to be religious and sacramental!
On the other side I have always and shall always understand how it is
possible for the most earnest and faithful of men and even of women
perhaps, to err in the convictions of the heart as well as of the
mind, to profess an affection which is an illusion, and to recant and
retreat loyally at the eleventh hour, on becoming aware of the truth
which is in them. Such men are the truest of men, and the most
courageous for the truth's sake, and instead of blaming them I hold
them in honour, for me, and always did and shall.

And while I write, you are 'very ill'--very ill!--how it looks,
written down _so_! When you were gone yesterday and my thoughts had
tossed about restlessly for ever so long, I was wise enough to ask
Wilson how _she_ thought you were looking, ... and she 'did not know'
... she 'had not observed' ... 'only certainly Mr. Browning ran
up-stairs instead of walking as he did the time before.'

Now promise me dearest, dearest--not to trifle with your health. Not
to neglect yourself ... not to tire yourself ... and besides to take
the advice of your medical friend as to diet and general
treatment:--because there must be a wrong and a right in everything,
and the right is very important under your circumstances ... if you
have a tendency to illness. It may