f a great army was always dangerous, and an unfit
situation for a woman; and he wished not to draw me into any scenes,
or near any danger, more than if I had remained in England. He little
thought I should be in the midst of horrors I would not pass again for
any being _now_ living; and alas, the cautious anxiety he expressed
that I should avoid being shocked, only made me feel more desolate and
miserable when I found myself in the midst of most terrible scenes.

Several other officers, on hearing that he designed to send me to
Antwerp, fixed that their wives should go there too. It is a very
strongly fortified town, and likewise having the sea to escape by, if
necessary, it was by far the safest place; and being only twenty-five
miles from Brussels, it added so little to the time of hearing from
him, if separated, that I acquiesced cheerfully. After this was
arranged, we never thought more about it, and enjoyed each hour as it
passed with no more anxiety than was sufficient to render time
precious.

On Wednesday the 14th, I had a little alarm in the evening with some
public papers, and Sir William went out with them, but returned in a
short time; and it passed by so completely, that Thursday(1) forenoon
was the happiest day of my life; but I cannot recollect a day of my
short married life that was not perfect. I shall never get on if I
begin to talk of what my happiness was; but I dread to enter on the
gloomy past, which I shudder to look back upon, and I often wonder I
survived it. We little dreamt that Thursday was the last we were to
pass together, and that the storm would burst so soon. Sir William had
to dine at the Spanish Ambassador's,(2) the first invitation he had
accepted from the time I went; he was unwilling to go, and delayed and
still delayed, till at last when near six, I fastened all his medals
and crosses on his coat, helped him to put it on, and he went.(3) I
watched at the window till he was out of sight, and then I continued
musing on my happy fate; I thought over all that had passed, and how
grateful I felt! I had no wish but that this might continue; I saw my
husband loved and respected by everyone, my life gliding on, like a
gay dream, in his care.

When I had remained at the window nearly an hour, I saw an
aide-de-camp ride under the gateway of our house. He sent to enquire
where Sir William was dining. I wrote down the name; and soon after I
saw him gallop off in that direction. I did not li