late to see him alive."

She was glad to try to do anything for me, and was going. I stopped
her at the door, and said, "Now, if you are deceiving me, you may
perhaps have my senses to answer for."

She repeated her assurances, and I said I would send my servant for
the carriage, which was at the Town Major's, if she would see anybody
to get horses, and I was ready. She said she would offer to go with
me, but she knew it would oppress me.

I said, "Oh no, let me be alone," and I ran upstairs.

No power can describe my sufferings for two hours before I could set
out. Captain Mitchell requested a friend of his to ride forward to
Brussels, and to gallop back with information of where Sir William
was, and whether it was still of any avail for me to proceed: he was
expected to meet us at Malines, half-way. We at last left Antwerp; but
bribing the driver was in vain. It was not in his power to proceed;
for the moment we passed the gates, we were entangled in a crowd of
waggons, carts, horses, wounded men, deserters or runaways, and all
the rabble and confusion, the consequence of several battles.(24)
Every now and then we went several miles at a walk; and the temper of
the people was so irritable that we feared to speak to them; and I had
to caution my servant to be very guarded, because they were ready to
draw their swords in a moment. Two men got on the back of the
carriage, and we dared not desire them to get off; and this was no
imaginary terror, as I afterwards experienced.

When we were within a mile or two of Malines, the carriage stopped,
and the servant said, "It is the Captain." I had drawn the blinds to
avoid seeing the wretched objects we were passing. I hastily looked
out, and saw Mr Hay.(25) When he saw me he turned his head away.

I called out, "Mr Hay, do you know anything?"

He hesitated, and then said, "I fear I have very bad news for you."

I said, "Tell me at once. Is he dead?"

"It is all over."

I sank into the carriage again, and they took me back to Antwerp. When
I had been a short time there, Mr Hay sent to know if I had any
commands to Brussels, as he was going to return, and would do anything
for me there. At first I said I had none, and then I sent for him, and
asked repeatedly if he were sure of what he said; if he had seen him
fall. He had not been in the action,(26) and of course was not near
Sir William, "who was surrounded by Lord Wellington's Staff; but in
the middle of the actio