and I've
given him back his donkey.'"

Mr. F. E. Smith, M.P., tells a story of a County Court case he was once
engaged in, in which the plaintiff's son, a lad of eight years, was to
appear as a witness.

When the youngster entered the box he wore boots several sizes too
large, a hat that almost hid his face, long trousers rolled up so that
the baggy knees were at his ankles, and, to complete the picture, a
swallow-tail coat that had to be held to keep it from sweeping the
floor. This ludicrous picture was too much for the Court; but the judge,
between his spasms of laughter, managed to ask the boy his reason for
appearing in such garb.

With wondering look the lad fished in an inner pocket and hauled the
summons from it, pointing out a sentence with solemn mien as he did so:
"To appear in his father's suit" it read.

* * * * *

There have been few readier men in retort than the late Mr. Francis
Oswald, the author of _Oswald on Contempt of Court_. After a stiff
breeze in a Chancery Court, the judge snapped out, "Well, I can't teach
you manners, Mr. Oswald."--"That is so, m'lud, that is so," replied the
imperturbable one. On another occasion, an irascible judge observed, "If
you say another word, Mr. Oswald, I'll commit you."--"That raises
another point--as to your lordship's power to commit counsel engaged in
arguing before you," was the cool answer.

The author of _Pie Powder_ in his entertaining volume, tells us that he
was once dining with a barrister who had just taken silk. In the course
of after-dinner talk, the new K.C. invited his friend to tell him what
he considered was his (the K.C.'s) chief fault in style. After some
considerable hesitation his friend admitted that he thought the K.C.
erred occasionally in being too long. This apparently somewhat annoyed
the K.C., and his friend feeling he had perhaps spoken too freely,
thought he would smooth matters by inviting similar criticism of himself
from the K.C., who at once replied, "My dear boy, I don't think really
you have any fault. _Except, you know, you are so d--d offensive._"

A judge and a facetious lawyer conversing on the subject of the
transmigration of souls, the judge said, "If you and I were turned into
a horse and an ass, which of them would you prefer to be?"--"The ass, to
be sure," replied the lawyer.--"Why?"--"Because," replied the lawyer, "I
have heard of an ass being a judge, but of a horse, never."