izes, a cause was tried as to the soundness of a horse,
and a clergyman had been a witness, who gave a very confused account of
the transaction, and the matters he spoke to. A blustering counsel on
the other side, after many attempts to get at the facts, said: "Pray,
sir, do you know the difference between a horse and a cow?"--"I
acknowledge my ignorance," replied the clergyman. "I hardly know the
difference between a horse and a cow, or between a bully and a bull.
Only a bull, I am told, has horns, and a bully," bowing respectfully to
the counsel, "_luckily for me, has none_."

"In Court one day," says Mr. W. Andrews in _The Lawyer_, "I heard the
following sharp encounter between a witness and an exceedingly irascible
old-fashioned solicitor who, among other things, hated the modern custom
of growing a beard or moustache. He himself grew side-whiskers in the
most approved style of half a century ago. "Speak up, witness," he
shouted, "and don't stand mumbling there. If you would shave off that
unsightly moustache we might be better able to hear what was coming out
of your lips." "And if you, sir," said the witness quietly, "would shave
off those side-whiskers you would enable my words to reach your ears.""

"My friend," said an irritable lawyer, "you are an ass."--"Do you mean,
sir," asked the witness, "that I am your friend because I am an ass, or
an ass because I am your friend?"

* * * * *

Counsel sometimes comes to grief in dealing with experts. "Do you,"
asked one of a scientist, "know of a substance called Sulphonylic
Diazotised Sesqui Oxide of Aldehyde?" and he looked round triumphantly.
"Certainly," came the reply. "It is analogous in diatomic composition of
Para Sulpho Benzine Azode Methyl Aniline in conjunction with
Phehekatoline." Counsel said he would pursue the matter no further.

An action was brought by the owner of a donkey which was forced against
a wall by a waggon and killed. The driver of the donkey was the chief
witness, and was much bullied by Mr. Raine, the defendant's counsel, so
that he lost his head and was reprimanded by the judge for not giving
direct answers, and looking the jury in the face. Mr. Raine had a
powerful cast in his eye, which probably heightened the poor fellow's
confusion; and he continued to deal very severely with the witness,
reminding him again and again of the judge's caution, saying: "Hold up
your head, man: look up, I say. Can't you h