ions that I was fine and that I could take care of
myself, they still looked at me as if I were in some kind of cult.

"The past is dust," I now thought, recalling a saying that Atmananda
had borrowed from Chinmoy.

I walked to Third College. To Third College Lecture Hall. To TLH 104.
I saw Atmananda's face on either side of the front wall. I had placed
the two posters. Atmananda often claimed that his photograph was a
doorway to his "awareness field," and now I wondered if he was watching
me through the posters on the wall. I felt uneasy and left.

I walked to a nearby computer terminal room. I logged on and played
Star Trek. The E on the screen was the Enterprise. R's were Romulans.
K's were Klingons. Klingons had stealth devices. I was E. R's and K's
surrounded E. E got destroyed. Each time I played, E got destroyed. I
logged off and walked away.

I plodded over soft, squishy lawns. The sprinklers were on. I got
wet. I felt like a zombie. I felt small.

I crisscrossed campus several times more. I was tired. I thought
about sleeping in the computer room. I was afraid to return to the
Centre. I was afraid of facing Atmananda. I did not examine the fear.
I walked home.

I opened the door. It was late. Atmananda stood in the living room.
I sensed that he had been waiting for me.

"You may not realize it," he said right away, "but you are very sick.
You are mentally ill. I am a professional and you are going to have to
trust me."

Atmananda spoke authoritatively. He held something in his hand. He
said that he was going to help me.

"Have you ever heard of Stelazine?" he asked.

"No."

"Stelazine is a drug that helps people who suffer from mental illness
or depression. With the advent of drugs such as this, people who would
otherwise be dysfunctional can lead happy and normal lives."

I had a flash of fear. I glanced at the door.

"Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of," Atmananda said, holding
out the pills. "You'd be surprised how many people experience some
form of neurosis or psychosis. I have a cousin who took anti-psychotic
drugs for years. Now he flies F-14's for the military."

The conflict sparked and it flickered and then disappeared. My mind
became still. I reached for the pills.

"Western doctors don't really understand mental illness. It is a form
of possession. Stelazine blocks out the lower occult worlds, which are
inhabited by the Negative Forces."