ro, I had a flashback of Rama giving me acid at
his home in Malibu. I had been sitting on a rug in the living room. A
Beatles record played. ("You never give me your money... ") Rama
entered the room.

"How are you doing, kid?" he asked.

"Not so good." I had been thinking about money. The world of my
finances had appeared as menacing walls of debt that were surrounding
and closing in on me. I felt miserable. Tears formed. I told Rama
what I was going through.

"Listen to the words of the song," he said. ("Oh, that magic feeling,
nowhere to go... ") "See, kid? Nowhere to go."

I gazed at the floor.

"You need to take time and rethink your life," he went on. "Somehow
you got entrenched in the dark side. But life does not have to be that
way. Life can be wonderful."

Typically, I would have felt elated by the attention he was giving me.
It had been years since we were close. But through hallucinating eyes
he seemed distant and small, and his attempt to cheer me up made me
feel worse.

"Why don't you go jump in the pool," he finally said. Years before, in
La Jolla, he had often suggested "Pool Therapy" as a way to douse the
flames of a conflict burning within. In Malibu, as in La Jolla, my
woes soon diffused among ripples from the impact of one hand slapping.

I played in the shallow end during that LSD trip until Rama asked Sal,
who was not tripping, to drive me home. When we arrived at my
apartment I felt lucid, creative, fearless. I started to say whatever
popped into my mind. Sal looked surprised. He looked at me as if I
were someone else.

Sal offered to take me for a walk. With my arms dangling and torso
bent, I moved like an injured ape. But gradually I slouched with Sal's
support down the hill to the beach.

"Look, Mark," said Sal. "There's the ocean."

I looked to the frozen snapshot of the sea. I blinked and the waves
rolled closer--then they froze again. Then I saw whales diving and
breaching in slow motion. I found myself among them. We swam
together. We spoke a silent language I thought I never knew. I felt
complete. They accepted me.

"Are you okay?" asked Sal, holding me up.

I longed for the freedom to roam. I longed for the support of
community. I looked to the sea, but the whales were gone.

Later that day I overheard Sal say to Rama, "You know, Mark is really
bright."

"Of course he is," Rama replied, snapping his fingers. "He's quick."

I appreciate