and
packed in carriages, emerge, half-stifled; put a cold foot, protected by a
filmy shoe, upon the pavement, and run, shivering, into your house. Well,
sir, we'll warm them presently. But suffer me to leave you now, while you
receive your guests.

I know a Phyllis, fresh from the country, who gets up at six and goes to
bed at ten; who knows no perfume but a flower-garden, and has worn no
bandage to her waist except a sash. She is now in London, and desires to
do as others do. She is invited to your party, but is not yet come; it may
be well for me to call upon her. Why, in the name of Newgate, what is
going on? She is shrieking "Murder!" on the second floor. Up to the
rescue! A judicious maid directs me to the drawing-room: "It's only miss
a-trying on her stays."

Here we are, sir; Phyllis and I. You find the room oppressive--'tis with
perfume, Phyllis. With foul air? ah, your nice country nose detects it;
yes, there is foul air: not nasty, of course, my dear, mixed, as it here
is, with eau-de-Cologne and patchouli. Pills are not nasty, sugared. A
grain or two of arsenic in each might be not quite exactly neutralized by
sugar, but there is nothing like faith in a good digestion. Why do the
gentlemen cuddle the ladies, and spin about the room with them, like
tee-totums? Oh, Phyllis! Phyllis! let me waltz with you. There, do you not
see how it is? Faint, are you--giddy--will you fall? An ice will refresh
you. Spasms next! Phyllis, let me take you home.

Now then, sir, Phyllis has been put to bed; allow me to dance a polka with
your daughter. Frail, elegant creature that she is! A glass of wine--a
macaroon: good. Sontag, yes; and that dear novel. That was a delightful
dance; now let us promenade. The room is close; a glass of wine, an ice,
and let us get to the delicious draught in the conservatory, or by that
door. Is it not beautiful? The next quadrille--I look slily at my watch,
and Auber's grim chorus rumbles within me, "_Voici minuit! voici minuit_!"
Another dance. How fond she seems to be of macaroons! Supper. My dear sir,
I will take good care of your daughter. One sandwich. Champagne.
Blanc-mange. Tipsey-cake. Brandy cherries. Glass of wine. A macaroon.
Trifle. Jelly. Champagne. Custard. Macaroon. The ladies are being taken
care of--Yes, now in their absence we will drink their health, and wink at
each other: their and our Bad Healths. This is the happiest moment of our
lives; at two in the morning, with a dose