h must be very agreeable to a person who has it in his mind
to be unhealthy. In order to keep a check upon exhalation about your head
(which otherwise might have too much the way of Nature), put on a stout,
closely-woven night-cap. People who are at the height of cleverness in
this respect sleep with their heads under the bed-clothes. Take no rest on
a hair-mattress; it is elastic and pleasant, certainly, but it does not
encase the body; and therefore you run a risk of not awaking languid.

Never wash when you go to bed; you are not going to see any body, and
therefore there can be no use in washing. In the morning, wet no more skin
than you absolutely must--that is to say, no more than your neighbors will
see during the day--the face and hands. So much you may do with a tolerably
good will, since it is the other part of the surface of the body, more
covered and more impeded in the full discharge of its functions, which has
rather the more need of ablution; it is therefore fortunate that you can
leave that other part unwashed. Five minutes of sponging and rubbing over
the whole body in the morning would tend to invigorate the system, and
would send you with a cheerful glow to the day's business or pleasure.
Avoid it by all means, if you desire to be unhealthy. Let me note here,
that in speaking of the poor, we should abstain from ceding to them an
exclusive title, as "the Great Unwashed." Will you, Mr. N. or M., retire
into your room and strip? Examine your body; is it clean--was it sponged
this morning--is there no dirt upon it any where? If it be not clean, if it
was not sponged, if water would look rather black after you had enjoyed a
thorough scrub in it, then is it not obvious that you yourself take rank
among the Great Unwashed? By way of preserving a distinction between them
and us, I even think it would be no bad thing were we to advocate the
washing of the poor.

Do not forget that, although you must unfortunately apply water to your
face you can find warrant in custom to excuse you from annoying it with
soap; and for the water again, you are at liberty to take vengeance by
obtaining compensation damages out of that part of your head which the
hair covers. Never wash it; soil it; clog it with oil or lard--either of
which will answer your purpose, as either will keep out air as well as
water, and promote the growth of a thick morion of scurf. Lard in the
bedroom is called bear's grease. In connection with its vir