m sure they'd find it profitable, for I
wouldn't mind owing a man twenty dollars for one myself.'

Mr. FYDGET FYXINGTON is another worthy, who reverts continually to 'first
principles,' and is full of schemes and projects, especially when he
chances to have 'a stone in his hat.' Hear him:

''NOTHIN'S fixed no how; our grand-dads must a been lazy rascals.
Why didn't they roof over the side-walks, and not leave every
thing for us to do? I ain't got no numbrell, and besides that,
when it comes down as if raining was no name for it, as it always
does when I'm cotch'd out, numbrells is no great shakes if you've
got one with you, and no shakes at all if it's at home. It's a
pity we ain't got feathers, so's to grow our own jacket and
trowsers, and do up the tailorin' business, and make our own
feather beds. It would be a great savin'; every man his own
clothes, and every man his own feather bed. Now I've got a
suggestion about that; first principles bring us to the skin;
fortify that, and the matter's done. How would it do to bile a big
kittle full of tar, tallow, beeswax and injen rubber, with
considerable wool, and dab the whole family once a week? The
young'uns might be soused in it every Saturday night, and the
nigger might fix the elderly folks with a whitewash brush. Then
there wouldn't be no bother a washing your clothes or yourself,
which last is an invention of the doctor to make people sick,
because it lets in the cold in winter and the heat in summer, when
natur' says shut up the porouses and keep 'em out. Besides, when
the new invention was tore at the knees or wore at the elbows,
just tell the nigger to put on the kittle and give you a dab, and
you're patched slick; and so that whole mobs of people mightn't
stick together like figs, a little sperrits of turpentine or
litharage might be added to make 'em dry like a house-a-fire. 'T
would be nice for sojers. Stand 'em all of a row, and whitewash
'em blue or red, according to pattern, as if they were a fence.
The gin'rals might look on to see if it was done according to
Gunter; the cap'ins might flourish the brush, and the corpulars
carry the bucket. Dandies could fix themselves all sorts of
streaked and all sorts of colors. When the parterials is cheap and
the making don't cost nothing, that's what I call economy, and
coming as ne