in their 'little parlor' in a
town of the far west. It reaches us in the MS. of a Boston friend: 'Old
Colonel W----, formerly a well-known character in one of our eastern
cities, was remarkable for but one passion out of the ordinary range of
humanity, and that was for buying at auction any little lot of trumpery
which came under the head of 'miscellaneous,' for the reason that it
couldn't be classified. Though close-fisted in general, he was continually
throwing away his money by fives and tens upon such trash. In this way he
had filled all the odd corners in his dwelling and out-houses with a
collection of nondescript articles, that would have puzzled a philosopher
to tell what they were made for, or to what use they could ever be put.
This however, was but a secondary consideration with the Colonel; for he
seldom troubled his head about such articles after they were once fairly
housed. Not so with his wife however, who was continually remonstrating
against these purchases, which served only to clutter up the house, and as
food for the mirth of the domestics. But the Colonel, though he often
submitted to these remonstrances of his better-half, couldn't resist his
passion; and so he went on adding from week to week to his heap of
miscellanies. One day while sauntering down the street, he heard the full,
rich tones of his friend C----, the well-known auctioneer, and as a matter
of course stepped in to see what was being sold. On the floor he observed
a collection that looked as if it might have been purloined from the garret
of some museum, and around which a motley group was assembled; while on the
counter stood the portly auctioneer, in the very height of a mock-indignant
remonstrance with his audience. 'Nine dollars and ninety cents!' cried the
auctioneer. 'Gentlemen, it is a shame, it is barbarous, to stand by and
permit such a sacrifice of property! Nine dol-_lars_ and ninety---- Good
morning, Colonel! A magnificent lot of--of--_antiques_--and all going for
nine dollars and ninety cents. Gentlemen, you'll never see another such
lot; and all going--going--for nine dollars and ninety cents. Colonel
W----, can _you_ permit such a sacrifice?' The Colonel glanced his eye over
the lot, and then with a nod and a wink assured him he could not. The next
instant the hammer came down, and the purchase was the Colonel's, at ten
dollars. As the articles were to be paid for and removed immediately, the
Colonel lost no time in getti