stood
at the hend of the Hold Baley and seen sum five or six pore retches,
with white nite caps on, all a hanging together! and he says it all so
serously that we are forced to bleeve him.

Then there's old slowcoach Jo, the tea-totaller. We all likes to work
with him, and for a werry good reeson. But he's rayther a comical
feller is Jo. He says, when peeple cums to know all the true fax of
the case, they'll willingly pay dubble price for tea-total Waiters.
And he reelly is such a poor simple fellow that I werrily bleeves
as he bleeves hisself when he says it. I carn't think what he
means by it; but BROWN says as it's a perfeckly shameful attack
on the charackter of all us Waiters as ain't such fools as to be
Tea-totallers, and that we really ort all of us to cut him. But
no--I'm in favour of Free Trade in Waiters as in Wine, and I shoud
think that, in this pertickler case, his hobstinacy brings its own
punishment. For what can be a creweller life for a poor Waiter to
lead, than to be constantly surrounded by harf emty bottels of most
bewtifool Wines, of all kinds, so as to suit the most fastidgeous
Waiter's taste, and not ellowd to taste ewen one glass of 'em! I
thinks as I've heard of sum unfortnit hindiwidial, in holden times,
as used to be seated down hevrey day to a werry scrumpshus dinner,
but, whatever he fixt his mind upon, the Doctor woudn't allow him to
taste it, not by no means. His name, I think, was SANKY PANSER, some
relashun of MOODY and SANKY, I sposes. His master's name was DAN
QUICKSHOT, ony another name, I bleeves, for BUFFALO BILL. But that was
nothink of a case to wun as my son WILLIAM told us of the other day.
It seems as there was, wunce upon a time, a Greshian Gent, by the
name of TANTLUS, who, becoz he was found out in helping hisself to sum
werry speshal brand of Neckter, was condemned to stand up to his neck
in water for ewer so many years; and altho he was so dredfool thusty
that he would have drunk a lot of ewen that cold, thin stuff, he
wasn't allowed not to taste a drop; and, not only that, but there was
a lot of most bewtifool frute a hanging jest above his pore hed, and
whenever he tried jest to pluck a bit of it, the crewel wind blowed it
away out of his reach. Hence the prowerb, "You be blowed!"

In course I don't pertend to know how these things was manidged in
former times, but I werry much douts whether ewen a Greshian Gent's
constitushun coud posserbly have stood it for ewer so m