military career it is unnecessary to speak, as it was extremely
commonplace, and void of incident. He was a _petit maitre_--and
numerous tales are told of his gallantry. On one occasion, meeting
Lady BESSIE FRIZZYHEAD; on the Green at Turnham, he called attention
to the fairness of the sunset. "Quite like cream, Lady BESSIE," said
the old _beau_, taking a pinch of snuff. "Whipped, you mean," replied
the malicious maiden, with a smile. "SIMPLE SIMON" simpered, but never
forgave the liberty. At another time the General was speaking to
the late Duke of York, when that illustrious personage commanded the
British Army. "I say, SIMMY," exclaimed H.R.H., "if the French invade
us, you must look after Number One." "You mean, Sir," was the prompt
answer, "Number One Hundred and One!" The King, hearing this anecdote
a little later, made "SIMPLE SIMON" his extra Equerry. But perhaps the
best story of all was that told of his interview with Dean SWIFT. "I
propose listening to your Reverence on Sunday," said the simple one.
"Oh, indeed!" replied the sarcastic ecclesiastic. "Then we shall have
a case of a _Gulliver_ come to judgment!" Many other good stories are
told of this General, whose career was rather in the drawing-room than
in the field of glory. He died in 1825, and was buried in Westminster
Abbey. At his funeral there was a large assemblage of the best-known
people of the day, and amongst them the Editor of the _National
Defender. "Sic transit gloria_," said some-one. "_Mundi_!" added the
journalist.

FUTURE (_Conjectural_).--SNOOKES, SIMEON. No one knows who this person
was, but it is shrewdly conjectured that he may have had some official
connection (possibly as a Government contractor) with one of the
ancient wars. As his monument is defaced, and there are no records of
his family, it is useless to attempt to make his biography any fuller.

* * * * *

[Illustration: STUDIES IN CONTINENTAL PERSPECTIVE.

A DUET FOR TENOR AND BASS.]

* * * * *

"SQUARED!"

A SONG OF A SETTLEMENT.

AIR--"_The Death of Nelson_."

RECITATIVE.

Near NELSON's monument, with gloom opprest,
The rowdy mourns a Question, now at rest.
But ASQUITH's laurels shall not fade with years,
Whose canny settlement the public cheers.

AIR.

'Twas in Trafalgar's Square,
We heard the spouters blare,
Each rough rejoicing then.
They scorned churl WARREN's yoke,
Of