last week about _Sainfoin_? "_Sainfoin_," I said,
"is not generally supposed to cover grass, but there are generally
exceptions." A baby in arms could have understood this. It meant, of
course, that _Sainfoin_ never lets the grass grow under his feet, and
that on the exceptional occasion of the Derby Day, he would win the
race. _And he did win the race._ We all know that; all, that is,
except Mr. J.'s lot, who still seem to think that they know something
about racing. But I have made my pile, and so have my readers, and
we can afford to snap our fingers at every pudding-headed
barnacle-grabber in the world. So much for the Derby.

As for the Oaks, it would be impossible to conceive anything more
scientifically, nay geometrically, accurate than my forecast.
"_Memoir_," I said, "might do _pour servir_." Well, didn't she? And if
anybody omitted to back her, all I can nay is, serve them right for
a pack of goose-brained Bedlamites. For myself, I can only say that,
having made a colossal fortune by my speculations, I propose shortly
to retire from the Turf I have so long adorned.

* * * * *

A BIASSED AUTHOR.--One whose MS. is written "on one side only."

* * * * *

ASK A WHITE MAN!

(_Highly Humorous Song. Sung with Immense Success by King M'Tesa, of
Uganda._)

"King M'TESA inquired of Mr. STANLEY what an 'Angel' was. He (Mr.
STANLEY) had not seen an angel, but imagination was strong, and M'TESA
was so interested in what he was told, that he slapped his thigh
and said, 'There! if you want to hear news, or wish to hear words of
wisdom, always ask a white man.'"--_Mr. Stanley at the Mansion House._

[Illustration: "If you want to know, you know, ask a White Man."]

AIR--"_Ask a Policeman!_"

THE White Men are a noble band
(Though TIPPOO swears they're not),
Their valour is tremendous, and
They know an awful lot,
If anything you'd learn, and meet
A White Man on the way,
Ask _him_. You'll find him a complete
En-cy-clo-pae-di-a.

_Chorus._

If you want to know, you know,
Ask a White Man!
Near Nyanza or Congo,
Ask a White Man!
In Uganda I am King,
Yet _I_ don't know everything.
If you want to know, you know,
Ask a White Man!

If you would learn how best to fight
Your way through regions queer,
Thread forest mazes dark as night,
And deserts dim and drear!
If