you your rival's roads would shut,
And get his in your grip;
You go to him, he's artful, but
He'll give you the straight tip.

_Chorus._

If you'd know your way about,
Ask a White Man!
He knows every in and out
Does a White Man!
He will tell you like a shot
If the roads are good or not;
He can open up the lot,
Ask a White Man!

And if about the Angels you
Feel cu-ri-os-i-ty,
For information prompt and true,
To a White Man apply.
_He_ knows 'em, and, indeed, 'tis said
Himself is _almost_ such.
His "words of wisdom" on this head
Will interest you much.

_Chorus._

If you want to shoot and drink,
Ask a White Man!
He can help you there, I think.
Ask a White Man!
If you'll learn to grab and fight,
And be mutually polite,
And observe the laws of Right,
Ask a White Man!

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

THEATRICAL CRITICISM.

"_Mr. Ranter's Macbeth is too well known to all play-goers to need
any special notice at our hands. Those who have not yet seen it should
avail themselves of the present opportunity;_" _i.e._, "Can't pitch
into old RANTER, good chap and personal friend."

DIAGNOSTIC.

"_I should say in your case, that the Digestion was a little upset;_"
_i.e._, "As gross a case of over-eating as I have ever come across in
the whole of my professional experience. You must have been feeding,
literally, like a hog, for years!"

SOCIAL.

"_What I so like about dear Sibyl is her charming simplicity;_"
_i.e._, "The silliest little chit conceivable."

"_His conversation is always so very improving;_" _i.e._, "A pedantic
prig, who bores you with Darwinism in the dance, and 'earnestness' at
a tennis-party."

* * * * *

TOPPING THE TRIPOS;

_Or, Something like a Score for the Sex._

[In the Cambridge Mathematical Tripos Miss P. G. FAWCETT, of
Newnham, daughter of the late Professor FAWCETT, is declared
to be "above the Senior Wrangler."]

ABOVE the Senior Wrangler! Pheugh!
Where now are male reactionaries
Who flout the feminine, and pooh-pooh
Sweet Mathematic MEGS and MARIES?
Who says a girl is only fit
To be a dainty, dancing dangler?
Here's girlhood's prompt reply to it:
Miss FAWCETT tops the Senior Wrangler!

Would it not hav