he course of my
emotional ballad entitled, '_The Bard's Daughter_,' I was compelled on
an average to kill half-a-dozen German bands every day, and to throw
ten jam-pots at my butler for unseasonable interruptions. Can any of
your readers help me?"

* * * * *

A flight of ducks was observed to settle on the Serpentine yesterday
at four o'clock exactly. They had been moving in a westerly direction.
The Park-keepers explain this curious incident by the well-known
affection of these birds for water, combined with an occasional
impulse to aerial navigation, but the explanation appears to us
inadequate.

* * * * *

In Vienna the other day, a Cabman was observed to claim more than his
fare from an elderly lady, whom he afterwards abused violently in the
choicest Austrian for refusing to comply with his demands. After all,
the nature of Cabmen all over the world varies very little. Elderly
Ladies too, are much the same.

* * * * *

Mr. STANLEY continues to attend dances, dinners and receptions at
the usual hours. He has lately expressed himself in strong terms with
regard to the action of a friendly Power on the continent of Africa.
Mr. STANLEY appears to think very lightly of the Foreign Office
pigeon-holes, in which his treaties have been stored in the meantime.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A DOUBTFUL COMPLIMENT.

_Sympathetic Spinster._ "AND IS YOUR OTHER BOY AT ALL LIKE THIS ONE?"

_Proud Mother._ "OH, NO; QUITE A CONTRAST TO HIM!"

_Sympathetic Spinster._ "HOW NICE!"]

* * * * *

IN THE KNOW.

(_By Mr. Punch's Own Prophet._)

HA! ha! I knew it, I knew it! All the grog-blossomed addle-pates in
the world couldn't have induced me to back _Surefoot_. There they
were cackling in their usual hugger-mugger Bedlamite, gin-palace,
gruel-brained fashion, with Mr. J. at the head of them blowing a
_fan-fare_ upon his own cracked penny trumpet. But I had my eye on
them all the time. For as the public must have discovered long before
this, if there is one person in the world who sets their interests
above everything, and swerves neither to the right nor to the left in
the effort to save them from the depredations of the pilfering gang
of pig-jobbers and moon-calves who chatter on sporting matters, that
person, I say it without offence, is _me_.

What was it I said