ing can alter the fact that you,
being turned thirteen, obtained a half-ticket by a false representation
that you were under age. A line from me, even now, denouncing you to the
Traffic Superintendent, and I'm very much afraid----

_Sir P. (writhing)._ SPIKER, my--my dear friend, you won't do that--you
won't expose me? Think of my age, my position, my daughter!

_Sp._ Ah, now you've touched the right chord! I _was_ thinking of your
daughter--a nice lady-like gal--I don't mind telling you she fetched me,
Sir, at the first glance. Give me her hand, and I burn the compromising
half-ticket before your eyes on our return from church after the
wedding. Come, that's a fair offer!

_Sir P. (indignantly)._ My child, the ripening apple of my failing eye,
to be sacrificed to a blackmailing blackguard like you! Never while I
live!

_Sp._ Just as you please; and, if you will kindly oblige me with writing
materials, I will just drop a line to the Traffic Superintendent----

_Sir P. (hoarsely)._ No, no; not _that_.... Wait, listen; I--I will
speak to my daughter. I promise nothing; but if her heart is still her
own to give, she may (mind, I do not say she _will_) be induced to link
her lot to yours, though I shall not attempt to influence her in any
way--in _any_ way.

_Sp._ Well, you know your own business best, old Cockalorum. Here comes
the young lady, so I'll leave you to manage this delicate affair alone.
Ta-ta. I shan't be far off.

[_Swaggers insolently out as_ VERB. _enters_.

_Sir P._ My child, I have just received an offer for your hand. I know
not if you will consent?

_Verb._ I can guess who has made that offer, and why. I consent with all
my heart, dear Papa.

_Sir P._ Can I trust my ears! You consent? Noble girl! [_He embraces
her._

_Verb._ I was quite sure dear BLESHUGH meant to speak, and I _do_ love
him very much.

_Sir P. (starting)._ It is not Lord BLESHUGH, my child, but Mr. SAMUEL
SPIKER, the gentleman (for he is at heart a gentleman) whom I introduced
to you just now.

_Verb._ I have seen so little of him, Papa, I cannot love him--you must
really excuse me!

_Sir P._ Ah, but you will, my darling, you _will_--I know your
unselfish nature--you will, to save your poor old dad from a terrible
disgrace ... yes, _disgrace_, listen! Twenty-seven years ago--(_he tells
her all_). VERBENA, at this very moment, there is a subscription on foot
in the county to present me with my photograph, done by an i