ain, and I knew the dread disease had come at last. The doctor came. He
was an old-fashioned fellow without any frills, but he had what books and
colleges do not always bestow--a head full of common sense. I said:--

"Doctor, will it have to be done to-night?"

"What done?" asked the doctor.

"Because," I replied, putting my hand on my left side, where the pain was,
"I have appendicitis and I supposed----"

"My friend," said this well-seasoned physician, "you are perhaps not aware
of the fact that the appendix is on the _right_ side."

My knowledge of anatomy had betrayed me.

The old doctor then gave me this homely advice, which may or may not be
correct. At any rate I never forgot it. He said:--

"You've been eating too much and have a little indigestion and
stomach-ache. But like thousands of others who have fertile imaginations,
you have appendicitis--on the brain. People rarely had this disease thirty
years ago. Why should they have it so frequently to-day? Is the human body
so radically different from what it was a few years ago? I have been
practicing my profession here for twenty-five years and during all this
time I have seen very few cases of severe appendicitis, and those
recovered under common-sense medical treatment. There may be an occasional
case that requires the surgeon's knife, but such are exceedingly rare."

I have never since had a symptom of the disease, and somehow I can't help
associating _appendicitis_ with _hospitalitis_.

CHAPTER X.

DIETING FOR HEALTH'S SAKE.

Next I must say something about my dietetic ventures. I have at one time
and another eaten everything and again eschewed everything in the way of
diet, all for the sake of promoting health and longevity. I had read
somewhere that a man is simply a reflex of what he puts into his stomach,
and also that by judicious eating and drinking he may easily live to be
one hundred years old. I started out to reach the century milestone. Why I
wanted to attain an unusual age I am unable to explain, for I am sure that
my life was not so profitable to myself or to anybody else. But that is
another story.

I dieted myself in various ways. It seemed to be on the "cut and try"
plan, for when one course of regimen proved disappointing, I very promptly
tried something else--usually the very opposite. I was very fond of
coffee, but I read that it was the strongest causative factor in the
production of heart disease. In medicine adverti