or those ill with this disease, but if you are a poor, homesick
sufferer--a stranger in a strange land--I doubt whether the best climate
on earth can vie with the comforts of home, surrounded by those nearest
and dearest to you, and whose kindly administrations are not to be
regarded as a case of "love's labor lost."

I returned home "much improved in health." Don't think I've had a
tuberculous symptom since.

CHAPTER XIII.

TRIES A RETIRED LIFE; IS ALSO AN INVESTIGATOR OF NEW THOUGHT, CHRISTIAN
SCIENCE, HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION, ETC.

Having now decided upon a retired life in earnest, I had nothing to do but
to look after my health and enjoy myself as best I could. I would settle
down and have a good time after a genteel fashion and, as the poet says:
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may." I would cultivate the little niceties
and amenities that go to embellish and round out one's life and character.
I would add a few touches to enhance my personal charms. I would manicure
my nails; iron out my "crow feet"; bleach out my freckles; keep my hair
softened up with hirsute remedies, and my mustache waxed out at the proper
angle. Whenever I appeared in society I did not mean to take a back seat
or be a wall-flower, realizing that bachelors of my age and standing were
very popular in a social way. However, I did not intend to get entangled
in the meshes of love again, remembering the Genevieve-Eleanor-Josephine
affairs. No wedding bells for me!

Yes, I would take life easy and I was always thinking, "next week I shall
go to work enjoying myself." But time slipped along and somehow I could
not get started in on the road to happiness. As I had nothing else to do I
could not understand why I should not be supremely happy. But I found it
hard work doing nothing; I could not enjoy myself at it.

Again I began to grow introspective and melancholy, and soon had a return
of all my symptoms of old. They all came trooping in to pay me a visit for
the sake of auld lang syne. How should I treat them? To get rid of
unwelcome visitors often requires study and tact. I had tried about all
the "health and hygiene" rules that had ever been invented. But while this
was true, I take a certain degree of pride in saying that among all the
absurd measures to which I have resorted, I never made a practice of
taking dopes and cure-alls. There are depths to which a self-respecting
neurasthenic will not stoop. One of these is taking patent medicine