was a good time. So I went to the opposite extreme and tried to
perfect myself in the small talk and frivolities that interest the
majority of society people. I was soon able to ape the vapid dictates of
those who called themselves the _elite_ and the _bon ton_. If the reader
will pardon me for using these words, I promise as a gentleman not to
inflict them on him again.

Of course, I did not pursue my last strain for very long. I worried
somewhat about my health, but not so much as of old. I had had about all
the disease symptoms worth having and now could complain only on general
principles. My character was as vacillating and unsettled as ever. I would
pick up one thing today only to discard it to-morrow. I had tried so many
different callings, fads, and diversions that now only something in the
way of an innovation appealed to me even momentarily. Truth to tell, I
had about got to the bottom of my resources, and felt somewhat like old
Alexander the Great when he conquered his last world and wept because he
was out of a job.

I had become very discriminating in regard to trying remedial measures and
agencies. Any new thing in order to gain my favor had to bear the brand:
"Made in Germany."

CHAPTER XVIII.

GIVES UP THE TASK OF WRITING CONFESSIONS.

Reader, you have perhaps wondered all along how I could ever hold myself
down to write a little sketch of my life. I wonder myself that I have thus
been able to jot down twenty thousand words without once going in for
repairs. I did not realize until this very moment what a lot of work I was
piling up--an effort that is appalling for me to contemplate. Indeed, I
have suddenly grown so tired of it that I have decided, here and now, to
give it up, as I have all my other undertakings. And I had this little
volume only about half compiled! Perhaps, some day, in a spasm of industry
I may be able to write the other half.

At any rate, I have written enough to convince even the most skeptical
that the neurasthenic is no ordinary individual. We want the world to know
that our little brotherhood is ever entitled to respect--more so than many
other cults that become fashionable for a day and then depart from the
"earth, earthy." It is true, we think much about our health and those
measures calculated to retain or regain it, as well as misdirecting energy
in our pursuits and pastimes; but, after all, _that's our business_! The
world should not look on us as being cold