taste of life returned, and we
were both the same as before, if not worse. So certain is it that the
repentance which is brought about by the mere apprehensions of death
wears off as those apprehensions wear off, and deathbed repentance, or
storm repentance, which is much the same, is seldom true.

However, I do not tell you that this was all at once neither; the fright
we had at sea lasted a little while afterwards; at least the impression
was not quite blown off as soon as the storm; especially poor Amy. As
soon as she set her foot on shore she fell flat upon the ground and
kissed it, and gave God thanks for her deliverance from the sea; and
turning to me when she got up, "I hope, madam," says she, "you will
never go upon the sea again."

I know not what ailed me, not I; but Amy was much more penitent at sea,
and much more sensible of her deliverance when she landed and was safe,
than I was. I was in a kind of stupidity, I know not well what to call
it; I had a mind full of horror in the time of the storm, and saw death
before me as plainly as Amy, but my thoughts got no vent, as Amy's did.
I had a silent, sullen kind of grief, which could not break out either
in words or tears, and which was therefore much the worse to bear.

I had a terror upon me for my wicked life past, and firmly believed I
was going to the bottom, launching into death, where I was to give an
account of all my past actions; and in this state, and on that account,
I looked back upon my wickedness with abhorrence, as I have said above,
but I had no sense of repentance from the true motive of repentance; I
saw nothing of the corruption of nature, the sin of my life, as an
offence against God, as a thing odious to the holiness of His being, as
abusing His mercy and despising His goodness. In short, I had no
thorough effectual repentance, no sight of my sins in their proper
shape, no view of a Redeemer, or hope in Him. I had only such a
repentance as a criminal has at the place of execution, who is sorry,
not that he has committed the crime, as it is a crime, but sorry that he
is to be hanged for it.

It is true Amy's repentance wore off too, as well as mine, but not so
soon. However, we were both very grave for a time.

As soon as we could get a boat from the town we went on shore, and
immediately went to a public-house in the town of Harwich, where we
were to consider seriously what was to be done, and whether we should go
up to London or stay