e
would die in her tracks before she said it. But I, knowin' that it
wouldn't make nor break the traffick, sez, "Whiskey," and I added,
"May the Lord destroy it!" Arvilly sez, "Amen!" and we walked in past
the astounded sentry with out heads up. (General Grant hadn't nothin'
to do with that countersign; it wuz some officer's doin's.) Well,
General Grant seemed quite pleased to see us. He's a real good-lookin'
man, and if he hadn't any properties of his own he would be beloved
for his pa's sake, but he has properties of his own. He is a good man
and a smart one. Well, the first compliments bein' passed, I lanched
out into my bizness.

Sez I, "Brigadier General Grant, I have come to you on the most
important mission any ambassador ever travelled on."

Sez he, "What sovereign, madam, do you represent, and from what
country do you come?" Sez I, "Brigadier General Grant, my mission is
from the Lord of Hosts, and the country I come to plead for is your
own native land--the United States--the land your own illustrious pa
saved with the Lord's help."

He wuz deeply affected I see and invited us to set down, consequently
we sot. And I sez, plungin' to once into my bizness as my way is in
Jonesville or the Antipathies: "Brigadier General, everybody knows
that you are a brave man and a good man." He thanked me and looked
pleased, as well he might from such an enconium from one of the first
wimmen of the ages, and I resoomed: "General Grant," sez I, "are you
brave enough and good enough to tackle the worst foe America ever
had?"

Sez he, "What foe do you allude to, mam?"

Sez I, "The foe that slays one hundred thousand a year, and causes ten
thousand murders every year, steals the vittles and clothes from
starvin' wimmen and children, has its deadly grip on Church and State,
and makes our civilization and Christianity a mock and byword amongst
them that think."

"You allude to Intemperance, I presume," sez he. He's dretful smart;
he knew it in a minute from my description.

"Yes," sez I, "a foe a million times as dangerous as any your army
ever faced, and a million times as hard to chase out of its
ambuscade."

Sez I, "Frederic (I thought mebby it would sound more convincin' and
friendly if I called him Frederic, and I wanted to convince him; I
wanted to like a dog), I don't believe in war, but when your men died
in battle they didn't moulder out a livin' death, chained to tender
hearts, dragged along the putrid death p