h Mr. LLOYD GEORGE
we regret that no mention is made of the exact date when the PRIME
MINISTER will declare the New World open.

* * *

Since it has been so well advertised we understand that the banned
poster, "The Unknown," is shortly to be renamed "The Very Well Known."

* * *

The EX-KAISER is reported to have made his will. He has bequeathed his
trial to his youngest grandson.

* * *

It is proposed to make Poole a first-class port, at a cost of
L3,750,000. We cannot help thinking that hidden away in some
Government office is a man who could do it at treble the cost.

* * *

A London firm of pastrycooks have purchased two obsolete tanks from
the Disposal Boards. They are said to make excellent utensils for
flattening pancakes.

* * *

A dainty little invention has just been tried by the Bolshevists,
which consists of a method whereby boiling water from the ship's
boiler can be pumped on to sailors who do not obey their officers.
It is said to be just the thing to keep their minds off the idea of
mutiny.

* * *

"I have all the qualifications for a post in some Government office,"
writes an Unemployed Ex-Soldier in a contemporary. It is to be hoped
that this drawback will be overlooked if his other disqualifications
are satisfactory.

* * *

Washable hats for boys is one of the new inventions at the Leather and
Shoe Trade Exhibition. Small boys are now going about in fear that the
next discovery will be a washable neck.

* * *

Six bandits entered the Central Cafe, New York, the other day and took
one thousand pounds from the diners. The ease with which they did it
suggests that they were mistaken for waiters.

* * *

A plumber in Aberdeen is giving lessons to a women's class in
knitting. It is said that his treatise on How to Crochet a Burst
Bath-Pipe is likely to become a standard work.

* * *

In taking away a safe containing six thousand pounds from a Fenchurch
Street office, burglars broke down a door with a thick glass panel.
The profession is of the opinion that the blame for this lies with the
firm. They had locked the door.

* * *

_The Daily Chronicle_ informs us that a New York couple who were
engaged in 1868 have just been married. But surely the wonder is that
they were not married long before.

* * *

A woman has told the medical officer of Burnham that rats so like the