hich was performed with the utmost decorum
and gravity. When it was ended Priscilla looked up.

"I said them very somnly and in rarver a low voice, didn't I?" she
announced, and then went off into gurgles of laughter.

I determined to make one last despairing effort.

"Priscilla," I asked, "which of your books do you like the best?"

"_The Gobbly Goblin_," she said.

"Araminta," I cried, "I give it up. She has no bent for literature.
There can never have been any great authoress, young or old, who
started with such a materialistic mind."

"You forget Mrs. Beeton," she replied.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE EXPERTS.

ASQUITH. "GIVE HIM HIS HEAD!"

GREY. "TELL HIM YOU'LL CUT THE STRING IN A COUPLE OF YEARS!"

MORLEY. "WHAT YOU WANT IS A MORE POWERFUL SANITY!"]

* * * * *

COLD COMFORT.

(_It is stated that M. KAMENEFF, on his return to Russia, having
fallen out of favour with the Soviet Government, has been appointed
Commissar at Taganrog_.)

Upon the mighty wheels of life
I'm but a very little cog,
And, when engaged in active strife,
Always the under-dog.

No honours yet have come to me
(My name is Ebenezer Blogg);
I haven't got an O.B.E.
Nor yet the Dannebrog.

A taxi-man the other night
Called me a measly little frog;
It's true that in respect of height
I can't compare with OG.

At school I was the whipping-boy
Whom every master used to flog,
Although I took no stealthy joy
In pipes or cards or grog.

The only time that I bestrode
A horse, like _Gilpin_ all agog,
The creature bolted from the road
And plunged me in a bog.

I never learned to sing or dance,
To bowl or bat, to stick or slog;
The only time I crossed to France
I struck a Channel fog.

I'm old and poor and rather deaf;
I'm often very short of prog;
Yet still I grudge not KAMENEFF
His post at Taganrog.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _First Bookie_. "I MUST 'AVE TAKEN TWO 'UNDRED QUID
TO-DAY. MARVELLOUS! I CAN'T THINK WHERE THE MONEY COMES FROM."

_Second Bookie_. "FROM ME MOSTLY."]

* * * * *

OUR MODEST ADVERTISERS.

"To be Sold, small unexceptionally attractive gentleman's Residential
Estate."

* * * * *

There was an American "DAISY"
Whose Diary set people crazy;
So