me called it a fake--
A most venial mistake,
For Opals are apt to be hazy.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Humble Guest_ (_at Profiteer's castle_). "WHAT THE
DEUCE IS THIS?"

_Magnificent Flunkey_. "THE TEMPERATURE OF YOUR BATH-WATER, SIR."]

* * * * *

THE MINISTRY FOR HEROES.

_January 1st, 1920._
To the Ministry of Pensions.

When demobilised on 5th November last I applied for a disability
pension. Having received no official communication on the subject, may
I inquire, please, how the matter stands?

M. C. BROKE, _Capt._

_February 1st, 1920._
To Lieut. C. M. Broke.

I am to acknowledge receipt of your letter of 1/1/20, and to say that
you will receive a further communication from this Department in due
course.

CUTHBERT RUTT,
for Ministry of Pensions.

_March 1st, 1920._
To the Ministry of Pensions.

_Re_ your letter of February 1st, may I inquire how the matter now
stands, please? (My rank, by the way, is captain, and my initials are
"M. C." not "C. M." I hope you won't mind me mentioning it.)

M. C. BROKE, _Capt._

_April 1st, 1920._
To Mr. M. Brake.

I am to acknowledge receipt of your letter of 1/3/20 and to request
that you will be good enough to state the date upon which you last
received a payment on account of your pension.

CUTHBERT RUTT,
for Ministry of Pensions.

_April 2nd, 1920._
To the Ministry of Pensions.

Replying to your inquiry of yesterday, I have not received any
payment--not a bond, not a rouble, not a bean. That, between
ourselves, was my idea in initiating this interesting correspondence.

May I direct your attention to my signature?

M. C. BROKE, _Capt._

_May 10th, 1920._
To Second-Lieut. J. Brooke.

Your letter dated 2/4/20 has been duly received. I am to ask whether
you are (a) demobilised; (b) disembodied; or (c) still serving?

CUTHBERT RUTT,
for Ministry of Pensions.

_May 11th, 1920._
To the Ministry of Pensions.

I was so glad to hear yesterday that my letter of the 2nd of last
month had been duly received. I was beginning to get quite anxious
about it. In reply to your inquiry I have the honour to state (again)
that I was (a) demobilised. I mentioned this, you know, last January.
But perhaps you have forgotten? It is rather a long while ago.

M. C. BROKE, _Capt._

P.S.--I don't mind a bit how you spell my name and