re is no God, then I am God."

"There, I could never understand that point of yours: why are you God?"

"If God exists, all is His will and from His will I cannot escape. If
not, it's all my will and I am bound to show self-will."

"Self-will? But why are you bound?"

"Because all will has become mine. Can it be that no one in the whole
planet, after making an end of God and believing in his own will, will
dare to express his self-will on the most vital point? It's like a
beggar inheriting a fortune and being afraid of it and not daring to
approach the bag of gold, thinking himself too weak to own it. I want to
manifest my self-will. I may be the only one, but I'll do it."

"Do it by all means."

"I am bound to shoot myself because the highest point of my self-will is
to kill myself with my own hands."

"But you won't be the only one to kill yourself; there are lots of
suicides."

"With good cause. But to do it without any cause at all, simply for
self-will, I am the only one."

"He won't shoot himself," flashed across Pyotr Stepanovitch's mind
again.

"Do you know," he observed irritably, "if I were in your place I should
kill some one else to show my self-will, not myself. You might be of
use. I'll tell you whom, if you are not afraid. Then you needn't shoot
yourself to-day, perhaps. We may come to terms."

"To kill some one would be the lowest point of self-will, and you show
your whole soul in that. I am not you: I want the highest point and I'll
kill myself."

"He's come to it of himself," Pyotr Stepanovitch muttered malignantly.

"I am bound to show my unbelief," said Kirillov, walking about the room.
"I have no higher idea than disbelief in God. I have all the history of
mankind on my side. Man has done nothing but invent God so as to go on
living, and not kill himself; that's the whole of universal history up
till now. I am the first one in the whole history of mankind who would
not invent God. Let them know it once for all."

"He won't shoot himself," Pyotr Stepanovitch thought anxiously.

"Let whom know it?" he said, egging him on. "It's only you and me here;
you mean Liputin?"

"Let every one know; all will know. There is nothing secret that will
not be made known. _He_ said so."

And he pointed with feverish enthusiasm to the image of the Saviour,
before which a lamp was burning. Pyotr Stepanovitch lost his temper
completely.

"So you still believe in Him, and you've lighted the lamp;