effort and only for an instant from some absorbing idea, "yes... an
old woman.... A wife or an old woman? Stay a minute: a wife and an old
woman, is that it? I remember. I've been, the old woman will come, only
not just now. Take the pillow. Is there anything else? Yes.... Stay, do
you have moments of the eternal harmony, Shatov?"

"You know, Kirillov, you mustn't go on staying up every night."

Kirillov came out of his reverie and, strange to say, spoke far more
coherently than he usually did; it was clear that he had formulated it
long ago and perhaps written it down.

"There are seconds--they come five or six at a time--when you suddenly
feel the presence of the eternal harmony perfectly attained. It's
something not earthly--I don't mean in the sense that it's heavenly--but
in that sense that man cannot endure it in his earthly aspect. He must
be physically changed or die. This feeling is clear and unmistakable;
it's as though you apprehend all nature and suddenly say, 'Yes, that's
right.' God, when He created the world, said at the end of each day
of creation, 'Yes, it's right, it's good.' It... it's not being deeply
moved, but simply joy. You don't forgive anything because there is no
more need of forgiveness. It's not that you love--oh, there's something
in it higher than love--what's most awful is that it's terribly clear
and such joy. If it lasted more than five seconds, the soul could
not endure it and must perish. In those five seconds I live through a
lifetime, and I'd give my whole life for them, because they are worth
it. To endure ten seconds one must be physically changed. I think man
ought to give up having children--what's the use of children, what's the
use of evolution when the goal has been attained? In the gospel it is
written that there will be no child-bearing in the resurrection, but
that men will be like the angels of the Lord. That's a hint. Is your
wife bearing a child?"

"Kirillov, does this often happen?"

"Once in three days, or once a week."

"Don't you have fits, perhaps?"

"No."

"Well, you will. Be careful, Kirillov. I've heard that's just how fits
begin. An epileptic described exactly that sensation before a fit, word
for word as you've done. He mentioned five seconds, too, and said that
more could not be endured. Remember Mahomet's pitcher from which no drop
of water was spilt while he circled Paradise on his horse. That was a
case of five seconds too; that's too much like yo