ple
who are much better able to estimate the difficulties and advantages on
either side of the question than any unmarried person can possibly be.
Since, however, I am continually asked at least to give my personal
opinion, for what it is worth, and since it is true that I have heard a
good deal (on both sides) from those who _are_ married, I will say briefly
that it seems to me of supreme importance (1) that every child that is born
should be _desired_, and (2) that no mother's time and strength should be
so far overtaxed as to prevent her giving to each child all the love and
individual care that it requires.

This necessitates control of the birth-rate, for a baby every year means
a too-hurried emptying of the mother's arms. But I disagree--very
diffidently--with the majority of my friends and acquaintances who hold
that the right and best method is the use of contraceptives. I do not think
it the best; I do not think it ideal. Unlike some authorities who must be
heard with respect, I can say with confidence that some of the noblest,
happiest and most romantic marriages I know base their control of
conception not on contraceptives but on abstinence. They are not prigs,
they are not asexual, they do not drift apart, and they have no harsh
criticism to make on those who have decided otherwise. These are facts, and
it is useless to ignore them.

On the other hand, it is equally true that sometimes such an attempt at
self-control leads to nervous strain, irritability and alienation. These
also are facts.

Personally, I would submit marital relations to the two tests I have
proposed, and add that we have succeeded in oversexing ourselves to an
extent which cannot be ignored; that we have "repressed" till we are
obsessed; and that, before we right ourselves, we shall have to make many
experiments, try many roads, and suffer many things. It is then above all
necessary that we be very gentle to one another and even a little patient
with ourselves. I conceive it much better to use contraceptives than to
bear unwanted children; I conceive it also better to use them than to be
cruel to others or become neurotic oneself; but that it is the ideal I do
not believe.

XI

COMMON-SENSE AND DIVORCE LAW REFORM

"Those whom _God_ hath joined together let no man put asunder."

In view of what I have said[I] about our marriage and divorce laws, several
people have asked what I should actually propose in the way of r