" in the world, but she has also self-respect, and she revolts
from the idea of exploiting for advantage what should be sacramental.

I believe that a better understanding on this point would save not only
great disasters but an infinity of small jars and strains, and if I
have put the woman's point of view at some length it is partly because I
understand it better, but chiefly because it is comparatively "modern" to
admit that she has a point of view to put.

Once understood, it becomes easier to understand also the startling
successes and disastrous failures which attend the remarkable practice of
"teaching a woman to love after she is married." The extent to which social
tabus and prudery may actually inhibit a woman's natural sexual development
makes it possible, as we have seen, for her to marry in ignorance of what
marriage implies. When this happens, her love, though it may be noble,
altruistic and spiritual, does not involve her whole nature. Her husband,
if he respects her sufficiently, will be able to awaken that which sleeps,
and in accordance with the undoubted truth that expression intensifies
love, he does "teach her to love" him not only in one sense but in all.

On the other hand, if she does not already love him, he will not succeed
in "teaching" her anything but disgust if he dreams that by compelling
physical union he can create spiritual union.

Evidently it is a singularly dangerous attempt! It is to be hoped that in
future no woman will run such risks out of ignorance, but that lovers will,
before they marry, understand what each expects, what each desires to give,
and at least _start_ fair.

This is no less important with regard to other matters in which marriages
are often wrecked. Surely people who propose to spend their lives together
ought to know (for example) whether children are desired and whether many
or few; and what the attitude of either is on the vexed subject of birth
control. Imagine the case of a husband who thinks the use of contraceptives
right and wishes to use them; and a wife who thinks them absolutely wrong
and, being warned by the doctor that she must not have more children,
cheerfully, and with perfect conviction that she is acting nobly, invites
her husband to run the risk of causing her death! Yet I have known such
cases.

I do not enter into the question of birth control, because it has been and
is being discussed much more freely than in the past, and by married peo