AM STAKES. For Government Mules ridden or driven by
British N.C.O.'s and men during the War.'

"We walked round the course an' tumbled acrost Ping Brown, got up _ong
chevalier_.

"'Aw-aw, Donoghue' says I, 'is it worth while backing you for a cool
thou for the Balaam?'

"'Well,' says he, 'I'm riding Perishing Percy. If it wus a clog-dancing
competition it 'ud be easy money, but bein' a race, back any one, even
the starter, sooner than me.'

"Then I met Spruggy Boyce, who useter drive with me in the Umpteenth
Field Ambulance.

"'Glory, Docker,' says he, falling on my neck, his top-boots being a bit
loose, 'I was looking for you.'

"'I ain't got no money,' says I.

"'But you _can_ 'ave,' he whispers confidential, like they do in the
pictures. 'I'm riding Red Liz in the Balaam.'

"'Well,' I replies, 'I'm not denying that Red Liz is a perfect lady; but
that's 'er trouble--she's too ladylike to pass anyone.'

"'Docker,' he hisses, 'do you remember driving 'er one day down the
Menin Road when Fritz started shelling?'

"'Don't I just! Why, she didn't fetch up till nearly at St. Omer, and
the shells lost heart becos they couldn't catch 'er. But,' I says
regretfully, it takes shells to start Red Liz, an' we ain't got none.'

"'No, we 'aven't got shells,' whispers Spruggy, 'but I 've got some
crackers; an' if you sprinkle some on the course, it's a cert.'

"'Right-o!' says I. 'Me an' Nigger will see it through, if you'll lend
us another five francs to invest.'

"Then I went to _cherchay_ a bookie, but I couldn't find one anywheres.

"'They don't 'ave 'em 'ere,' says Nigger. 'You invests at the sheds over
there--the _Paree Mutual_.'

"'That's an insurance company,' answers I. 'I want to put a bit on, not
take out a life policy.'

"'That's the place, I tells you,' says Nigger; 'the _Paree Mutual_ or
the _Total Liza_. If you don't 'urry you won't get it on before the race
starts.'

"So I fights my way through the surging mob to the counter.

"'What odds for Red Liz in the five-thirty?' says I.

"'_Je ne comprong pas_,' says the bet merchant, and before I could say
another word the crowd swept me away. I went back to Nigger.

"'Look 'ere, Nigger,' says I indignantly, 'I don't like this way. I
likes to speckerlate with a bookie--one with a wooden leg as can't run
for preference--who tells you what odds 'e's going to give an' doesn't
'ave to work it out in vulgar fractions afterwards.'

"'You 'eart-breaking t