ce-crunch
Merged in the howls of carnivores at lunch.

And one conspirator leaped up
Amid the clash of tinkling spoons
And poured into a protose cup
His helping of stewed prunes;
And, blood-red presager of doom,
Half a tomato hissed across the room.

And angry "Pshaws" and long "Tut-tuts"
Proceeded from that concourse dense,
And "Nuts," they wailed, "we want more nuts--
More nuts at less expense!"
Till Mr. Ambrose Kilo came
And hushed the berserk banqueters to shame.

"Heroes," he cried, with lifted hand,
"And comrades of the meatless life,
Shall the great cause for which we stand"
(Here someone dropped a knife)
"Fall into disrepute?" (Loud roars
Of "No, not it," from contrite nucivores).

"Bearing aloft a stainless shield
That none may smirch without remorse,
This management declines to yield
To crude displays of force;
Yet, since it seems the general wish,
Mock-cutlets will be five-pence less per dish."

He ceased, and trembling fingers cleared
All vestiges of meat away;
The smiling handmaids reappeared
With mounds of buttered hay;
Silence replaced the storm-tossed scenes;
There was no sound save masticated beans.

EVOE.

* * * * *

From "Answers to Correspondents":

"A bellion, according to the French and American method of
numeration, is a thousand millions, or 1,000,000,000. According
to the English method, it is a million millions, or
1,000,000,000."--_Irish Paper_.

We should have liked to know the estimated value of a re-bellion,
according to the Irish method, but we understand that there is no
accounting for that.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Cinema Photographer_. "WOULD YOU MIND DOING THAT BIT
AGAIN? I FORGOT TO TURN THE HANDLE."]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks_.)

A book of little novels, or long-shorts, from the pen of Mr. ROBERT
HICHENS, will be welcomed with pleasure by a very large public.
_Snake-Bite_ (CASSELL) contains a half-dozen various tales, all but one
of which are eminently characteristic of their author. It sounds unkind
to add that this one is for artistry the best of the bunch; but I mean
no more than that Mr. HICHENS has here done very well a slight and
delicate sketch of a style not generally associated with his work.
In the na