a bundle of rags, an
oil-can, and something to sit down upon, and he is happy for the day. He
has to put up with certain disadvantages, of course; there is no joy
without alloy. He himself always looks like a tinker, and his machine
always suggests the idea that, having stolen it, he has tried to disguise
it; but as he rarely gets beyond the first milestone with it, this,
perhaps, does not much matter. The mistake some people make is in
thinking they can get both forms of sport out of the same machine. This
is impossible; no machine will stand the double strain. You must make up
your mind whether you are going to be an "overhauler" or a rider.
Personally, I prefer to ride, therefore I take care to have near me
nothing that can tempt me to overhaul. When anything happens to my
machine I wheel it to the nearest repairing shop. If I am too far from
the town or village to walk, I sit by the roadside and wait till a cart
comes along. My chief danger, I always find, is from the wandering
overhauler. The sight of a broken-down machine is to the overhauler as a
wayside corpse to a crow; he swoops down upon it with a friendly yell of
triumph. At first I used to try politeness. I would say:

"It is nothing; don't you trouble. You ride on, and enjoy yourself, I
beg it of you as a favour; please go away."

Experience has taught me, however, that courtesy is of no use in such an
extremity. Now I say:

"You go away and leave the thing alone, or I will knock your silly head
off."

And if you look determined, and have a good stout cudgel in your hand,
you can generally drive him off.

George came in later in the day. He said:

"Well, do you think everything will be ready?"

I said: "Everything will be ready by Wednesday, except, perhaps, you and
Harris."

He said: "Is the tandem all right?"

"The tandem," I said, "is well."

He said: "You don't think it wants overhauling?"

I replied: "Age and experience have taught me that there are few matters
concerning which a man does well to be positive. Consequently, there
remain to me now but a limited number of questions upon which I feel any
degree of certainty. Among such still-unshaken beliefs, however, is the
conviction that that tandem does not want overhauling. I also feel a
presentiment that, provided my life is spared, no human being between now
and Wednesday morning is going to overhaul it."

George said: "I should not show temper over the matter, if I