of the boys of the shop
passing by, heard my tale, and immediately repaired to his master,
to give him a description of my situation; and he touched the right
key--the scandal it would give rise to, if I were left to repeat my
tale to every enquirer. This plea came home to his reason, who had been
sobered by his wife's rage, the fury of which fell on him when I was out
of her reach, and he sent the boy to me with half-a-guinea, desiring him
to conduct me to a house, where beggars, and other wretches, the refuse
of society, nightly lodged.
"This night was spent in a state of stupefaction, or desperation. I
detested mankind, and abhorred myself.
"In the morning I ventured out, to throw myself in my master's way, at
his usual hour of going abroad. I approached him, he 'damned me for a
b----, declared I had disturbed the peace of the family, and that he
had sworn to his wife, never to take any more notice of me.' He left me;
but, instantly returning, he told me that he should speak to his friend,
a parish-officer, to get a nurse for the brat I laid to him; and advised
me, if I wished to keep out of the house of correction, not to make free
with his name.
"I hurried back to my hole, and, rage giving place to despair, sought
for the potion that was to procure abortion, and swallowed it, with
a wish that it might destroy me, at the same time that it stopped the
sensations of new-born life, which I felt with indescribable emotion. My
head turned round, my heart grew sick, and in the horrors of approaching
dissolution, mental anguish was swallowed up. The effect of the medicine
was violent, and I was confined to my bed several days; but, youth and
a strong constitution prevailing, I once more crawled out, to ask myself
the cruel question, 'Whither I should go?' I had but two shillings left
in my pocket, the rest had been expended, by a poor woman who slept in
the same room, to pay for my lodging, and purchase the necessaries of
which she partook.
"With this wretch I went into the neighbouring streets to beg, and my
disconsolate appearance drew a few pence from the idle, enabling me
still to command a bed; till, recovering from my illness, and taught
to put on my rags to the best advantage, I was accosted from different
motives, and yielded to the desire of the brutes I met, with the same
detestation that I had felt for my still more brutal master. I have
since read in novels of the blandishments of seduction, but I had
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