or them
to analyze; and may you, my child, never be able to ascertain, by
heart-rending experience, what your mother felt before the present
emancipation of her mind!
"I began to write a letter to my father, after closing one to my
uncle; not to ask advice, but to signify my determination; when I was
interrupted by the entrance of Mr. Venables. His manner was changed. His
views on my uncle's fortune made him averse to my quitting his house,
or he would, I am convinced, have been glad to have shaken off even the
slight restraint my presence imposed on him; the restraint of showing
me some respect. So far from having an affection for me, he really hated
me, because he was convinced that I must despise him.
"He told me, that 'As I now had had time to cool and reflect, he did not
doubt but that my prudence, and nice sense of propriety, would lead me
to overlook what was passed.'
"'Reflection,' I replied, 'had only confirmed my purpose, and no power
on earth could divert me from it.'
"Endeavouring to assume a soothing voice and look, when he would
willingly have tortured me, to force me to feel his power, his
countenance had an infernal expression, when he desired me, 'Not to
expose myself to the servants, by obliging him to confine me in my
apartment; if then I would give my promise not to quit the house
precipitately, I should be free--and--.' I declared, interrupting him,
'that I would promise nothing. I had no measures to keep with him--I was
resolved, and would not condescend to subterfuge.'
"He muttered, 'that I should soon repent of these preposterous airs;'
and, ordering tea to be carried into my little study, which had a
communication with my bed-chamber, he once more locked the door upon
me, and left me to my own meditations. I had passively followed him up
stairs, not wishing to fatigue myself with unavailing exertion.
"Nothing calms the mind like a fixed purpose. I felt as if I had heaved
a thousand weight from my heart; the atmosphere seemed lightened; and,
if I execrated the institutions of society, which thus enable men
to tyrannize over women, it was almost a disinterested sentiment. I
disregarded present inconveniences, when my mind had done struggling
with itself,--when reason and inclination had shaken hands and were at
peace. I had no longer the cruel task before me, in endless perspective,
aye, during the tedious for ever of life, of labouring to overcome my
repugnance--of labouring to extin
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