vital source of virtue!
"One trait in my character was extreme credulity; but, when my eyes
were once opened, I saw but too clearly all I had before overlooked. My
husband was sunk in my esteem; still there are youthful emotions, which,
for a while, fill up the chasm of love and friendship. Besides, it
required some time to enable me to see his whole character in a just
light, or rather to allow it to become fixed. While circumstances were
ripening my faculties, and cultivating my taste, commerce and gross
relaxations were shutting his against any possibility of improvement,
till, by stifling every spark of virtue in himself, he began to imagine
that it no where existed.
"Do not let me lead you astray, my child, I do not mean to assert, that
any human being is entirely incapable of feeling the generous emotions,
which are the foundation of every true principle of virtue; but they are
frequently, I fear, so feeble, that, like the inflammable quality which
more or less lurks in all bodies, they often lie for ever dormant; the
circumstances never occurring, necessary to call them into action.
"I discovered however by chance, that, in consequence of some losses in
trade, the natural effect of his gambling desire to start suddenly into
riches, the five thousand pounds given me by my uncle, had been
paid very opportunely. This discovery, strange as you may think the
assertion, gave me pleasure; my husband's embarrassments endeared him to
me. I was glad to find an excuse for his conduct to my sisters, and my
mind became calmer.
"My uncle introduced me to some literary society; and the theatres were
a never-failing source of amusement to me. My delighted eye followed
Mrs. Siddons, when, with dignified delicacy, she played Califta; and
I involuntarily repeated after her, in the same tone, and with a
long-drawn sigh,
'Hearts like our's were pair'd--not match'd.'
"These were, at first, spontaneous emotions, though, becoming acquainted
with men of wit and polished manners, I could not sometimes help
regretting my early marriage; and that, in my haste to escape from a
temporary dependence, and expand my newly fledged wings, in an unknown
sky, I had been caught in a trap, and caged for life. Still the novelty
of London, and the attentive fondness of my husband, for he had some
personal regard for me, made several months glide away. Yet, not
forgetting the situation of my sisters, who were still very young, I
prevailed on
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